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Cranky Swamp Yankee

Life & Events > Apocalypse When?
 

Apocalypse When?

Okay.

Something’s got to be done. 

It’s obvious that the concepts of “dumbing down” and “lowering the bar” are really beginning to take a noticeable toll on life as we know it.

These days, you just cannot trust anything to be accurate! You cannot take anything “to the bank”! Even the freaking experts are ALWAYS FREAKING WRONG, it seems! There is nobody you can rely on any more!

Am I talking about t.v. weather people, or economists, or politicians, or car mechanics, or scientists, or anybody with a Ph.D?

Of course not! We EXPECT those folks to be wrong most of the time, don’t we? I’m talking about people who are much more important than those! I’m talking about our Doomsday Prophets!

Today is October 21, 2011, and I expected to wake up today NOT waking up! Today is not supposed to be happening!

Harold Camping freaking promised!!!!!!!

Back in 1994, Harold predicted that The Apocalypse would occur.

Didn’t happen.

Harold said “Oops! I made a slight miscalculation.”  He then said that he was off by seventeen years.

Now, those of you who are mere lay-people might think that seventeen years is a long time, but to us well-versed scholars in all things Biblical and God-like, seventeen years is a just a tick on the clock.

So then, Harold did some re-figuring and said that the world would end on May 21, 2011. 

Didn’t happen!

A whole bunch of Harold’s followers had gone out and sold their houses, quit their jobs and spent their life savings just prior to that date knowing  that there wasn’t going to be a universe at 12:01 a.m., May 21, 2011!

Well, obviously, there was!

We all woke up that morning, and everything was just as sinful and bright and beautiful as it had been the day before! NOT ONE DAMNED THING HAD CHANGED!!!!!!!!!!

Harold said that he again had made a slight mathematical miscalculation

WELL, GOD DAMN IT, HAROLD! USE A FUCKING CALCULATOR NEXT TIME!

Harold said that he was off this time by six months.  He said that May 21, 2011 was actually Judgment Day, and that God had made His decisions on that day as to who was going to be sucked up into Heaven and who was going to go to Hell with Saddam, Moammar, and George Bush and Alec Baldwin. However, God was going to keep his decisions under wraps as Really, REALLY BIG Celestial Secrets until 12:01 a.m. on October 21, 2011. At that time, the world could come to an end. (This time, he REALLY MEANS IT!!!!!)

SSSSOOOOooooooOOOOOO, I went out last night and got absolutely plastered, knowing that I would never wake up and have to suffer a hangover!

Well, GUESS THE FUCK WHAT?

No Rapture! No Armageddon! No Four Horsemen! No Apocalypse! Not even a God damned thunderstorm!

NADA!!!!!

Just, beautiful, blue skies and sunshine, and me with pounding head about the size Milwaukee.

DAMN YOU, HAROLD!

Now, it’s Friday, and, not only do I have The Mother of All Hangovers, butI don’t have one god-damned thing planned for the weekend!

posted on Oct 21, 2011 7:10 AM ()

Comments:

All prophecy is invented, all religions are invented. Of course they go wrong. Be moral on your own is my philosophy. .
comment by tealstar on Nov 3, 2011 4:32 PM ()
I would say "c'est la vie", but I'm not sure that applies here. Don't worry, there'll be a next time.
comment by solitaire on Oct 23, 2011 5:24 AM ()
My daDDy sed heez glad that raptchur dint happen the other day cuz he had to deposit a check before he got dinged fer an overdraft! WHEW! MOL MOL
comment by hobbie on Oct 22, 2011 2:53 PM ()
Off to the freakin' dentist....
comment by jjoohhnn on Oct 21, 2011 9:36 AM ()
Today is not over...could still happen.
comment by eddie on Oct 21, 2011 8:17 AM ()
You are IN a foul mood today! Obviously, you hadn't planned on being here,.
comment by redimpala on Oct 21, 2011 7:45 AM ()

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