A couple of years ago Oprah had a show about
Black men being on the 'down low' as if this was something new and E.
Lynn Harris sold thousands of novels based on that theme the past few
years. I have known gay married men since I first came out in the late
1940s and in the 50s I knew more men  married to women who identified as
gay than I knew single gay men!

The only research
in this blog are the
personnel experiences I have had regarding this matter. I do suggest, if
you are interested in the subject, is to read any of the books pictured
here or google  'gay
husbands, straight wives' and there are many entries.

I am not using real names but all these men
are real, men I know or have known.  Two of my 4 lovers were married men
with kids who left their families when they were in their 40s. Their
wives didn't know or didn't want to know. Regarding the latter I have
found that most men who stayed married or are still married claim their
wives don't know but 3 said they believe their wives know but don't want
to face it as they like the life they are leading.In all cases where
the wife knew, found out or had to face it when told, did eventually get
a divorce. They felt undesirable, they felt they had been lied to and
deceived and they were right. What does it do to a woman's ego to know
the man she loves would prefer a man? That she won't ever satisfy the
man no matter what he or she says? The very few women I have spoken to
admit they felt they were a substitute for what their husbands felt was
the real thing.

ALL the men I
know identify as gay even if married with children and in some cases
grandchildren. X and Y are lovers, have children, divorced their wives
years ago and have never looked back. Z got divorced a few years ago and
after years of sublimating his 'gayness' has come out with a vengeance.
A, still married, can, due to his work, cruise all day, goes to
bath-houses, sends his wife shopping when they are on vacation so he can
meet up with other men. The other men, in most cases, are also married.

B, like most married men, have public sex
though not as much today as they use to mainly due to the Internet where
they can meet men and make arrangements for the other to 'host'. Years
ago when arrests were made in men's rooms, rest stops, stores or malls
and men's names published in the papers it turned out most were married
and, needless to say, ended  their marriages.

Both here and when I lived in Memphis I use to
have weekly 'gatherings', another word for orgies, and everyone was
welcome whether they participated or not. Many of the men, married, came
over just to relax, not watch what they have/had to say and enjoy the
socialization of other gay men. I will say that those who came every
week were mainly married men and of the 15-20 guys most were married or
had been married.

I have known J for years. We talked the other day
and I asked him a few questions. He said he liked being married, the
idea of family, raising kids, having a partner and he liked having sex
with men. He no longer has sex with his wife except once in awhile the
'obligatory sex'--in his words, "When I reach down I want to feel a
stick not a slit!" He makes sure his wife has everything she wants and
gets her anything she wants for the unspoken rule that she doesn't ask
him any questions when he is not home or around. He is there, when
needed, for any and all family occasions, holiday, school and social
events. He does arrange to meet 'escorts' for matinees in hotels and a
couple of times has used my place for his trysts. And he wouldn't care
if his wife had a lover unless he was attracted to the guy!

I know all the reasons gay men
get married but I believe that they are unfair to the women in their
life when they do. D said he tried to warn her when he told her that he
had a few homosexual encounters when he was in high school but he said
it off hand as if it didn't count and still he feels that he had warned
her.

I do
not understand a gay man getting married, knowing he is gay,  and
waiting for a few years later to tell his wife he is gay especially if
there are children involved. At the same time I don't understand why a
woman, who in my opinion thinks so little of herself, that she would
stay married to a man who doesn't want/desire her but then I don't
understand most couples--gay or nongay! 
LOL

I really would like to hear from married
gay men or those who were married with your thoughts--e-mail me if you
prefer at mgood66@juno.com .

Okay, here you go--don't say you never had the
chance--ask me anything you want to know about gay life and I will
answer from experience--again, if you want, e-mail me at mgood66@juno.com