> To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.Dear Dogs and
> Cats,The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
> dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
> middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and
> dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.The stairway
> was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is
> not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can
> run.I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
> this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
> Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
> necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest
> extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues
> hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.For the last
> time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat
> you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine,
> meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the
> door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using
> the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.The proper
> order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress
> this enough!To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
> our front door:To All Non-Pet Own ers Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our
> Pets:1. They live here. You don't.2. If you don't want their hair on your
> clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)3. I like
> my pets a lot better than I like most people.4. To you, it's an animal. To me,
> he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and
> doesn't speak clearly.
>
>