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only hurts all--the parents and the child--and puts a lifetime wedge between them! :I(
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Man’s disappearance renews debate on ’Ex-Gay’ netherworld
by Joseph Erbentraut
EDGE Great Lakes Regional Editor
Monday Aug 10, 2009
Bryce Faulkner’s disappearance has set off a renewed debate on the ’ex-gay’ netherworld.
The mystery surrounding the location and well-being of Bryce Faulkner,
a 23-year-old medical student who appears to have entered into an
ex-gay treatment facility, has again thrust the controversial topic of
reparative therapy into the public eye.
With any updates arriving heavily filtered through the gatekeepers of
Faulkner’s family, we are left only to speculate what can be found
inside the ex-gay labyrinth.
The last person to have heard from Faulkner was Travis Swanson, a man
who claims to be his boyfriend. That was on June 15, before Faulkner’s
family appears to have intervened in their son’s relationship.
His mother Debra told FOX News Bryce is "fine" and that stories to the
contrary are "not true." A statement by Bryce, released through a
family representative, denied coercion on the part of his family.
Rev. Brett Harris, a pastor who has led a Web-based effort to get in
touch with Faulkner, suspects otherwise. He has continued his effort
despite receiving nearly 20 death threats from the site’s visitors and
a lawsuit threat from the Faulkner family.
"It would be simple for [Bryce] to get on a webcam and say ’I don’t
want to be gay anymore, I went to this camp on my own volition.’ If he
does that, God bless him and I’ll take the site down," Harris told
EDGE. "But there is no information coming from Bryce himself. This
instantaneous conversion story that Debra is putting out there is
baloney. She bullied and brow-beat him."
"[Bryce]’d lose everything including the family’s love if he continued
the relationship," Harris continued. "The loss of love is a very
powerful thing, especially the loss of the love of your family. The
fear of that happening is a great motivator to keep someone in a
conversion therapy program."
Desperate and Vulnerable
Fear, often in combination with financial dependence, continues to play
a major role in the decisions of some young gay men to enter into
ex-gay programs, including those offered by national groups like Exodus
International and Love in Action, according to gay and psychiatric
observers opposed to their practices.
These companies sponsor hundreds of programs around the nation which
vary greatly from one-on-one therapy sessions to intensive group
live-in programs.
Wayne Besen, executive director of Truth Wins Out, an organization
whose mission is to expose the "ex-gay industry," argues programs like
Exodus deliberately market their programs to religious parents of
recently out gay children. He was not surprised by the Faulkner case.
"These groups understand very well that they’re marketing to desperate,
vulnerable people who are looking for a lifeline. They tell [parents]
what they want to hear, and when they hear those promises, they write
the checks," Besen shared.
"The people who run these programs aren’t qualified to give the
psychological advice they’re providing. They’re causing great harm and
avoid accountability at all costs. We don’t know what their failure
rate is, but we know from survivors that they’re not doing so well in
terms of success."
The harm incurred by "ex-gay survivors," as former attendees term
themselves, comes in many forms, according to those interviewed for
this story. Their stories reinforce reports from the overwhelming
majority of Western mainstream psychological and psychiatric
organizations that frown upon gay therapy programs.
Jacob Wilson, now 23 and living in Ames, Iowa, was 19 when he left his
family and friends behind to enter a Love in Action camp in Memphis,
Tenn., hundreds of miles from his then-home in Missouri. He was part of
the camp during the same time 16-year-old Zachary Stark received
national attention for being forced to attend a similar camp.
Though Wilson denies being forced into the program, he said coercion
still had an impact on his decision. His pastor encouraged him to apply
for the program once other members of his congregation found out he’d
been dating an area preacher. His parents helped foot the bill for the
program.
"When I told my parents I was gay, they didn’t take it well, to say it
lightly," Wilson said. "They were all for [the camp] if it could fix me
so they encouraged me."
"I was at the lowest point in my life, the most depressed I’d ever
been," he continued. "I realized, once I got into the program, that
this was a common theme. They had all lost everything that’d meant
something to them."
Inside the Ex-Gay Netherworld
Wilson spent two months in the Love in Action program. While there,
Wilson and other attendees of the program faced strict regulations on
their every move. They could not wear cologne or clothing by "gay
brands" like Abercrombie & Fitch or Ralph Lauren.
They could not, at any time, be in the company of just one other
person. Even trips to the bathroom needed to be made either alone or in
a group of three. Journaling was not allowed.
"We referred to it as the ’LIA bubble,’ being cut off from family and
friends. I just fell off the face of the map," Wilson shared. "It was
difficult and scary, because it was something that I’d never imagined
in my life ... They trained us all to be little watchdogs for each
other, reporting ’transgressions’ for a reward."
The only face-to-face contact Wilson made with his family during the
program was during a "friends and family" weekend, held a month and a
half into his time in the camp. During one of the weekend’s sessions,
Wilson and the camp’s other attendees stood before a room filled with
the visiting families to verbally share their most shameful sins. The
experience still haunts him to this day.
"I saw the fear in my parents’ eyes as they watched their son talk
about these things," he shared. "You have to air your dirty laundry for
everyone to see. I still have these recordings in my head that these
feelings are sinful and bad abominations. I have to tell myself, ’No,
there is nothing wrong with me. I’m not sick.’ I still have to have
that inner dialogue."
’Not in God’s Plan’
Other ex-gay survivors echo Wilson’s experiences. Vincent Cervantes,
now 22, was 18 when he sought treatment to overcome his homosexuality
without the knowledge of his parents.
"I didn’t believe [same-sex attractions] were in God’s plan for me or
for anyone," Cervantes said. "I needed help and didn’t know where else
to turn."
Cervantes underwent a year and a half of counseling sessions with his
local pastor, culminating in an exorcism to rid himself of what was
deemed a demonic possession. It was the last resort of a series of
treatments that had proven unsuccessful. He described the counseling as
"depressing and traumatic," incredibly trying to his Christian
identity. At one point, he considered suicide.
"I was very lost when I came out of therapy," Cervantes shared. "Once I
realized I wasn’t going to ’overcome’ homosexuality, i thought it meant
I couldn’t be a Christian anymore and I wondered if there was any
possibility of reconciling the two."
"I barely knew what it meant to be gay and didn’t have many positive
images to go from. I thought I’d be promiscuous, get AIDS, die and go
to hell," he continued. "I thought I would kill myself because I didn’t
want to live the rest of my life knowing that hell is where I’d end up
when I died. It’s not worth it."
Ex-gay therapy’s crippling effects are not exclusive to religious
settings. Daniel Gonzales, 29, was 18 when he began to seek outside
help with hopes of becoming heterosexual. Raised in an American Baptist
denomination, Gonzales was already familiar with the religious route to
salvation, so reached out to the National Association for Research and
Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) instead.
For a year and a half, he was counseled by the infamous Dr. Joseph
Nicholosi in Southern California. Treatment consisted of what Gonzales
described as "pseudo-science pop psychology," breaking down any
attraction he felt to a man. It was a powerful message that lingered
with him for years to follow.
"The idea was that the same-sex attractions were caused by a broken
sense of masculinity and lack of self-confidence. You’re attracted to
other guys embodying the characteristics you’re lacking," Gonzales
described. "When you’re so desperate to try and change, you’re willing
to believe it."
Beyond ’Ex-Gay’
Gonzales ultimately abandoned the teachings as he independently
realized that his homosexuality was "neither something that needed to
or could be changed." He, as well as Cervantes and Wilson, now
participate in a group called Beyond Ex-Gay, a network of ex-gay
survivors who share their testimonials with hopes it will dissuade
others from seeking harmful therapy.
"These programs are everywhere and so few people know they exist,"
Wilson said." For us to come together and be one voice saying that
these ex-gay programs do more harm that good, telling people that
you’re OK being gay and OK the way you are, I believe saves lives."
As they reflected on the case of the still-silenced Faulkner, all
sources interviewed for this story anxiously anticipated his words
eventually being heard. They hope for the best - that Faulkner may be
avoiding the damaging effects they endured - but fear the worse.
"What bothered me most [from my treatment] was the idea that God didn’t
love me anymore," Cervantes, who now does public speaking engagements
on his experiences, said. "If I could speak with Bryce, I would tell
him what I wish someone would have told me: That he is loved."
Now, the American Psychological Association has finally decided that
"ex-gay" therapies don’t really work. The organization, which governs
psychiatric workers, ruled in early August that mental health
professionals should not counsel patients to try to change their sexual
orientation.
Instead, counselors should help patients come to terms with their
sexuality. If they are members of a religious denomination that
condemns their behavior, the organization ruled, perhaps the counselor
should advise them to seek a more welcoming congregation.
