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I just read about a gay teenager in Indiana—Billy Lucas—who
killed himself after being taunted by his classmates. Now his Facebook
memorial page is being defaced by people posting homophobic comments.
It's just heartbreaking and sickening. What the hell can we do?
—Gay Bullying Victim Who Survived
Another gay teenager in another small town has killed himself—hope
you're pleased with yourselves, Tony Perkins and all the other
"Christians" out there who oppose anti-bullying programs (and give
actual Christians a bad name).
Billy Lucas was just 15 when he hanged himself in a barn on his
grandmother's property. He reportedly endured intense bullying at the
hands of his classmates—classmates who called him a fag and told him to
kill himself. His mother found his body.
Nine out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at
school, and gay teens are four times likelier to attempt suicide. Many
LGBT kids who do kill themselves live in rural areas, exurbs, and
suburban areas, places with no gay organizations or services for queer
kids.
"My heart breaks for the pain and torment you went through, Billy
Lucas," a reader wrote after I posted about Billy Lucas to my blog. "I
wish I could have told you that things get better."
I had the same reaction: I wish I could have talked to this kid for five minutes. I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better. I wish I could have told him that, however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.
But gay adults aren't allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and
churches don't bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied.
Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can
prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay—or from ever
coming out—by depriving them of information, resources, and positive
role models.
Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have
the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don't have to wait
for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids.
So here's what you can do, GBVWS: Make a video. Tell them it gets better.
I've launched a channel on
YouTube—www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject—to host these videos. My
normally camera-shy husband and I already posted one. We both went to
Christian schools and we were both bullied—he had it a lot worse than I
did—and we are living proof that it gets better. We don't dwell too
much on the past. Instead, we talk mostly about all the meaningful
things in our lives now—our families, our friends (gay and straight), the places we've gone and things we've experienced—that we would've missed out on if we'd killed ourselves then.
"You gotta give 'em hope," Harvey Milk said.
Today we have the power to give these kids hope. We have the tools
to reach out to them and tell our stories and let them know that it
does get better. Online support groups are great, GLSEN does amazing
work, the Trevor Project is invaluable. But many LGBT youth can't
picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can't
imagine a future for themselves. So let's show them what our lives are
like, let's show them what the future may hold in store for them.
The video my husband and I made is up now—all by itself. I'd like
to add submissions from other gay and lesbian adults—singles and
couples, with kids or without, established in careers or just starting
out, urban and rural, of all races and religious backgrounds. (Go to
www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject to find instructions for submitting
your video.) If you're gay or lesbian or bi or trans and you've ever
read about a kid like Billy Lucas and thought, "Fuck, I wish I could've
told him that it gets better," this is your chance. We can't
help Billy, but there are lots of other Billys out there—other
despairing LGBT kids who are being bullied and harassed, kids who don't
think they have a future—and we can help them.
They need to know that it gets better. Submit a video. Give them hope.
