Yesterday I blogged about what a beautiful, sunny, warm
day it was--well, it started to rain last night, came down heavy all night and
most of today and turned cooler.

I didn't sleep last
night--not a wink. I don't know whether to blame my age, my operation or the
anxiety I experience about falling asleep and then getting anxious when I don't
fall asleep! I have been back on tranquillisers all week which doesn't make me
happy.

I don't know what's wrong,
or causing this lack of sleep, but I am sure it has to with what Allen calls my
inclination to over think something. I attempted to go to sleep around 1 AM and
as soon as I laid down on the pillow I was up. I tried sleeping on the couch,
the recliner, sitting in a chair and got the same reaction every time --waking
up. I spent most of the night playing Free Cell and Hearts and trying to go to
sleep every 1/2 hour without success. I took lorazepam twice but it didn't help.

I am tired, dead beat this evening and, hopefully,
will fall asleep easily tonight. Oh, whatever happened to my reading in bed for
an hour or two and then going to sleep without any trouble.

I will be seeing my
primary tomorrow and have a dozen questions to ask him. Do have a problem as he
is leaving which means I have to start all over again with another doctor which
I am not looking forward to. He helped me through my really rough times after
the operation, almost like what I am going through now. Ummmm--a light bulb beams over my head--I
learned on Monday about his leaving--wonder if one thing has to do with
another?!?!

So far I have seen a little change since using the
inhaler--I am aware it has only been two days but I wonder if it is suppose to
kick in right away or takes a few days, a week, to start being effective??
Another question to ask tomorrow and if the primary doesn't know guess I will
call the pulmonary doctor and ask him.

Funny, in a sad way--I got the basic bill for my
aorta replacement valve operation and it doesn't include the surgeon's
fees--only $90, 475.53!!  What if I didn't have insurance?!?!?

Tomorrow it is off to the primary doctor and, then
what I look forward to every Thursday, food shopping!! On Friday it is off to
see Julia Roberts' new movie and hopefully the rain  will be gone--though we
really need it and more--the sun and warmth back and my body and mind well
rested.