Power of Fear Leading to Closeted Gay Bi Married Husbands

(If the shoe fits wear it )

P ower
of fear is at the basis of all negative emotions and actions.  It is
why we lie, why we argue and have to be right all the time.  It’s the
reason behind some people’s needs to be in control. It is the reason why
people steal and the list goes on and on.   Controlling people
are just very fearful people.  They may project a strong fearless front
but that exactly what it is, it’s a front. They need to control their
environment which generally plays out into their relationships as well
because they become anxious or fearful if they things are not within
their comfort zone.  I believe by knowing this about people it can
empower you because you are likely actually stronger and less fearful
than they are in reality.  Fear is the reason also of course why people
choose to go into the closet, get married, developed a family or a house
with a white picket fence in the SUV parked in the driveway and parked
next to our BMW’s otherwise referred to as status symbols.
 

A
quote from chapter two of my memoir, “Forbidden Love with a Married
Man; E-mail Diaries,” “typically, most children are brought up in a
society where finding love in the opposite sex is bred into them.  They are taught to start a courtship, which will eventually lead to
marriage and later on, children, a house with a white picket fence, a
dog, an SUV and a double income family.”
 

Fearing
that we may lose the love and companionship that all humans need for
healthy emotional survival on many levels, because society has deemed
this so. I believe it is a healthy and productive exercise to whenever
you are feeling disease or discomfort to know that it is about fear.
Therefore it is important that we take the time and trace back through
our thoughts what it is that we are in fear of that is causing this
discomfort.  Generally what we fear is the not knowing of the outcome of
a circumstance which is again why gay people generally go into the
closet at least at first.  Some obviously for longer periods and end up
following social expectations and marry causing more victims of our
fears.  Being fearful can lead us to be deceptive and dishonest in our
communications with others, leading to closeted gay Bi marriedmen.
 

The
most unfortunate issue about this is, we then don’t really have truly
open hearted, rich and fulfilling relationships with people leaving us
lonely in our private thoughts.  It is when we interact with people
using our hearts we become less fearful and have more joyful lives.
Leave the brain to math, science and technology when it comes to matters
of relationships.  Use your heart openly and without fear as best you
can. It takes practice. 
 

Most
generally what we fear as I stated is the consequence of what may
happen if I were truthful.  The consequence is almost never as bad as we
expect it to be.  We need to ask ourselves what is our greatest fear if
I am honest.  What is the very worst thing that can happen we need to
ask ourselves?  Can we then survive the consequence of being truthful
about our true selves and our true thoughts? The answer to that is, of
course we can survive. There may be a period of discomfort. Even serious
discomfort but we will survive.  People that choose suicide rather than
being truthful about their true selves are choosing a permanent
solution to a temporary problem. 
 

It
is also a self act because it leaves the survivors unable to heal
because they will always wonder what they could have done differently to
prevent the tragedy.  Always remember is not always necessary to be
right.  To we want peace or to we want to be right? Pick your battles
carefully and use civility throughout the conflict resolution process.  Never name call. That is about control which is another word for fear. 
 Our fear in conflicts in not being right is generally about looking or
feeling foolish. You actually look more foolish by maintaining that you
are right when it’s obvious that you are not and you are being foolish
if it is a silly disagreement anyway.  Be true to yourself and you will
then be able to be true to others. For those of you that cannot build up
the courage to come out to those you love and area integral part of
your lives you are cheating yourself and them of really knowing each
other’s hearts and souls.  When you are out you will not have to edit
you life anymore which is not only demeaning but exhausting. Your true
self has just as much value as anyone.  So come on people.  Start asking
yourself some of these questions.  You can handle the outcome of the
truth when it is revealed I promise. 

Be Safe-

Dennis J. Schleicher