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Monday, 25 January 2010 18:55
"‘I Am Man. I Am Gay. I Am
I pay taxes. I vote. I have a passport. I volunteer my time and voice and donate money to charities or causes I believe in.
I
have a college degree from a pretty good school. For most of the time
since I was fifteen I have worked, often 60 – 80 hours a week. I am in
a committed relationship. I try to call my mother a few times a week. I
hold the door open for anyone in front of or behind me. I’m generally
the last one out of the elevator.
I’ve contacted my
local government when I believed something needed improvement. I have
good, long-term friendships. I’ve given money to friends who needed
help. I’ve lent countless items to friends, assuming they will not be
returned. I’ve worked to help people I know who were in crisis get
through the next day. I’ve sat on the phone for hours with people who
were depressed.
I have a dog, the second one I’ve rescued from a
shelter. I feed and walk him, a lot. I pick up after him, every time. I
am called upon to help or give an opinion several times a week. I’ve
done jury duty. I have never been arrested. I am financially
self-sufficient. I have a few credit cards. I have an apartment. I have
homeowners’ insurance. When I needed a car for work I got one, kept it
in good shape, kept it insured. I have a home air purifier.
I
take vitamins. I try to eat well and take care of myself physically and
mentally. I have a primary care physician. I always bring a gift to a
host or hostess when I am invited into their home. I say “please,”
“thank you,” and, too often I’m told, “I’m sorry.” I sometimes send out
Christmas cards. I call friends to say “Happy Thanksgiving.”
I,
not infrequently, get calls from people who used to work for me asking
if I would given them a reference. I rarely say “no.” I rarely say “no”
when asked to do anything for someone. No one knows this, but I am the
only person in my building of over 300 apartments who calls the laundry
company when the machines break. I sometimes go into the recycling bins
and re-sort them when my neighbors mix paper and plastic.
I
always leave a good tip, usually more than 20%. I don’t yell at waiters
or waitresses, though I have yelled at drivers who run red lights. I
keep my TV and music at a reasonable level, especially late at night so
I don’t disturb my neighbors. I’ve installed dimmers in my home to
conserve electricity.
I have a checking and a savings account. I
almost always pay my bills on time. I have an excellent credit rating.
I tip all the doormen and maintenance people in my building at
Christmas. I’ve lived in the same apartment for nine years. I backup my
computer. I buy extended warranties on expensive electronics. I try to
share information as often as I can.
I generally pay more than my
share when going out to dinner with friends. I generally return calls
within twenty-four hours. I keep my home reasonably clean. I subscribe
to a daily newspaper, and try to read it almost every day. I keep
abreast of current events. I receive my news from a wide variety of
sources. When disagreeing with someone, I try to remain civil and
respectful.
I compliment strangers sometimes. I call restaurants
to cancel if I can’t keep my reservation. I try to validate my friend’s
feelings and listen to their thoughts openly. I rarely boast or brag. I
try to patronize local businesses. Although it’s hard for me to say
this, I’m pretty certain I will have left somewhat of a positive impact
on the world by the time I’m gone.
I scattered my father’s ashes
where he wanted me to. I flew with my family to attend my grandmother’s
funeral. I was captain of the safety patrol in sixth grade. I was
president of the theatre society in high school. I wrote to my
congressmen to help save the dolphins from tuna fishermen when I was a
boy. I want to get married. I can’t, because I’m gay.
I grew up feeling sad and different and sometimes ashamed.
I
no longer am sad, I’m glad I’m different, and I’ll be damned if I’ll
ever be ashamed of who I am or what I believe. Because what I believe
is that we are all the same. We are all equal. We all deserve to love
and have our love recognized.
I think I’m a pretty good person. I
know I’m as good as anyone else. I have done little enough wrong to
deserve your forgiveness. I’ve done nothing that deserves your pity.
And I know that I am good enough to not deserve your tolerance.
Tolerance is for someone who doesn’t know better, like my dog who likes to jump on people.
Tolerance
is for someone whose views negatively impact your life, like people who
want to stop me from loving the man I love, with all my heart. I do not
want your tolerance. I do not deserve your tolerance. I will not accept
your tolerance, any longer.
What I will do is my best to ensure
that we are all given equality and the legal right to love and marry
the person who loves us back.
From now on I will tolerate nothing less
David
is the creator of The Great Nationwide Kiss-In, a fifty-city,
international gay rights response to the unlawful harassment,
detention, and arrest of same-sex couples for kissing in public. He is
also a contributing writer at The Bilerico Project.