On
Wednesday, November 11, 1981, I met the love of my life, Bill, through
an ad I had placed in a local gay magazine. I have written a book about
us starting on that day and ending on the aftermath for me. Yes there is
my story, his story and somewhere in the middle the truth, but "For
What We Had", which was written in 1984, after the break-up, was my
story. I sent Bill a copy and to this day I don't know if he read it and
if he did, what he thought. By June, 1983 it was all over though we
would be going to NYC in the Fall. I've written blogs about Bill so I
won't go into the whole story here.

The
bottom line is that I believe Bill and I loved each other
unconditionally for quite awhile but it wasn't enough. Like my not
knowing whether he read the book or not. I remember him once saying that
he had read enough books in collage that he didn't want to read
anymore. We had very little in common to build a relationship. Bill was
book smart while I was street smart. He had gone to a top school
graduating with honors and I had one semester at a run of the mill
university. He liked working on his 1920s Ford while all I knew about a
car was to join AAA. He liked his motorcycle while I was scared to death
of riding on it. He went to see "The King and I" to celebrate his
anniversary when he was married, it being a special occasion while I had
been going to the theatre since I could walk. I believed in 'little
things mean a lot' while it meant nothing to him to forget, what I
considered, important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, or
doingthingsfor no reason at all. He was an engineer while I was a
waiter.  What we did have in common was that we were gay.

Bill
was coming out of the closet while I had never been in it. As it had
been fun showing Johnny places that he had never seen before and my
seeing them again through his eyes, in a way it was the same with Bill. I
introduced him to a world of life that he hadn't seen before including
baths, bars, his being cruised and not even being aware of it. We drove
from Fort Lauderdale to Memphis via New Orleans (see picture below)
having beignets there, having dinner in Ruth Chris's in Jackson,
Mississippi and then spending time in Memphis and, yes, seeing "A Chorus
Line" in the amphitheatre on Mudd Island.

By
the time Bill was completely out of the closet where were we to go? It
was over and I had never felt such pain but I was able to write it out
in the book. The whole experience also brought home to me, after 4
relationships, that it requires many things I wasn't willing to bring to
a relationship. No, I am not a forgiver or a compromiser. I very
quickly got bored with having sex with the same person. I am a very
selfish person. Yes, I am very giving but when I want to and on my
terms. I don't need/want someone 24/7 but I do need/want time alone for
myself. I don't want to answer to someone for what I do or where I
go--that was among the many reasons that I decided in the mid 1980s I
wouldn't look for, or did I want, another lover, partner, whatever you
want to call it, that I just wanted friends and my life has been a lot
better since I made that decision though I was tempted once or twice!
:O)

A
lot more happened in the 1980s like AIDS, my father having a stroke and
diagnosed with Alzheimers, my mother dying, the last time I was to see
my brother and sister-in-law, job changes, Steven but for me personally
the biggest, best thing was meeting and being with Bill for the time we
did have together.