Tanya

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Tanya
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Its A New Life For Me

Life & Events > Relationships > A New Understanding
 

A New Understanding

I feel like I have blogged about this before and I probably have but my husband asked me a few days ago what I talked about with Chris and it made me think. We don't talk often but we do talk. Some about his cancer that is in remission. A lot about corruption. He hates corruption. We also talk a lot about his son. The question my husband asked also made me realize that Knowledge comes from strange places Today reminded me of what I have learned from Christopher. I never could imagine that some drunk guy I took home could teach me anything. Maybe it is just what I took from my interactions with him I don't know. Since meeting Chris I have a better understanding of my Dad. When I first met Christopher, I was not interested in him at all. What a great feeling to know that I was not interested in a man. I didn't want his attention or care. As I got to know him I will admit I was potentially interested. He was a nice guy, had a job, single, expressed his feelings well and felt very comfortable. I didn't know why at first but I finally got it. He reminded me of my dad. (There really must be something to that. That unconditional love I didn't get from my Dad. I will do more research on that one. ) Regardless, spending time talking to him made me understand my Dad a little better. With Christopher, I was able to listen to him ramble about his knowledge of certain things. The long drawn out instructions that piss me off with my Dad. The "know it all approach" that exudes in the way my Dad tells me something. With Christopher I didn't have the emotional attachments to him like my Dad. Spending time with him made me laugh because he was so similar to my Dad. I asked my daughter if Chris reminded her of anyone and she immediately said Grandpa. Now I can laugh at my Dad and blow him off when he goes off on his 3 hour "you have to do it like this.....

Father's day I spent the morning with my Dad and Mom. I made my Dad breakfast and the discussion of the affair and my mess came up as usual. As usual, my Dad got on his pedestal and started... I say "started'. I did not let him finish. I calmly without anger and actually with humor reminded him that his sarcasm will get us know where. I reminded him that I don't have a time travel machine. I reminded him that I am trying to move forward. It worked. Thank you Chris. Chris also taught me boundaries. He really does not cooperate or waver at all. Some may call it stubborn, uncooperative, selfish...the list could go on. In this case, I think he is all of those things but he doesn't care. He knows what he can give, he knows what he can handle and he has the strength to draw the line and be honest and flat out told me he couldn't handle any drama or caring about anyone. Good for him ! It reminded me that I don't care to be around people that can't give something of themselves, I don't want to invest in a friendship where there isn't an equal investment. I want more. I now know that I too don't have the energy to deal with him and his drama. I am too sensitive to get to know him and not care about him. He is so observant. He saw in me that I am a great Mom and a good woman, he saw in my eyes that I am sensitive and in a lot of pain. He drew his line and told me he didn't want to hurt me and that he knew I couldn't be friends with him and not care about him. He told me he could die anytime (we could all go anytime... what a cop out) and that he couldn't get close to anyone or didn't want anyone to care about him. I found it refreshing... his confidence to know his limits is freeing. I learned that it is ok to know what you can and can't handle and that it is ok to tell someone that. Thank you Chris. I do care about him.. it's too late, but I learned more about me so that is good!


Chris has also been so good in showing me the love that a Dad has for his children. I'm so glad to hear a man's perspective that I didn't have emotional attachments too. I was able to hear it without rebuttal. I never thought about the man's perspective. I knew how much I missed the kids when they were with their Dad. Aaron had made comment about him missing them too. I never got it. Too emotional I guess. Again through Chis I now am aware of the fact that my husband really does love and miss them too. I feel terrible. It's not that I didn't realize it. I just didn't say it to him. I would talk about how I missed them and Aaron would say I do too. I really get it now. The kids go to their Dad's starting Sunday Evening and I'm sick already. I guess even though things are said to you a dozen times by someone that it doesn't always click. I'm sure I have said something to someone a zillion times and then someone else will come up, suggest the same thing and they will then get it. I now get it! Again, Thank you Chris.

So Christopher and I still don't talk often. I text him now and again to find out how he and his son are doing and his response is always the same. "Good." That is is plus an occasional picture of his son with no other comments. I am good with that. I have no expectations of him and it is a great feeling. I hope to find a good balance. I hope to learn my boundaries and abilities like Chris has.. only with a little more giving. He talks about being single forever and he's right... he will probably will be. There is no budging there!

posted on June 22, 2008 12:09 AM ()

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