The highs and lows of this mess I am in is getting really old. How does one get up and stay there? I really want to be optimistic! I want to forgive myself and move forward. I feel like I am moving forward little by little and making good choices every day. I am proud of me. Today anyway! Tomorrow seems to be a different day. I am finding that I am more up than down which is really nice. I am feeling like life has hope and meaning. I love the time spent with my children. We are happy together. We giggle, laugh, work together, talk together, snuggle togther, clean together. We really are creating a new little life together without their Dad. I wish things had been different, I really do.

Tomorrow should be my last day at work. This too is very emotional for me. It is the end of a job I have been a part of since I was 5. My Mom has been an employee of this company for 35 plus years and the doors are closing. They changed the locks to the building, there are no personal belongings left and all but 5 of the 12 are gone and replaced with strangers from Illinois. It is all so strange and I will be glad to be done. I have loved the flexibility of this job and the "family" we had there. I loved being able to take a day off to spend it with my kids, knowing I could make it up on the weekend. I loved being able to get there between 8 and 8:15 and just working my 8 hours from when I got there. I have been spoiled and it has worked so well with being a mom. My new job will not allow that. Punctuality is very important and being a Mom makes that a difficult feat. I am getting better but if the job I have now is any indication of my punctuality... I would have been fired a long time ago. That can not happen in this new job.

I am looking forward to a week at home to do the things I wanted to do. I still have a few piles to go through since the kid's Dad moved out. I am looking forward to taking and picking up the kids from school again and volunteering in their classes a few more times and having lunch with them. It may be a mistake because I will just miss it again but I love doing it and they love having me there. As Queenie said... enjoy life while you've got it and I enjoy being a part of my children's lives in whatever way possible. The time will come they will want nothing to do with me. Boo Hoo!