I am still depressed. I am even on anti depressants and it isn't helping. I can't imagine what I would be like without them though. I am already crying entirely too much. I need to move on but can't seem to figure out how yet. I guess this is my grieving process. Ending a 15 year relationship is not as easy as I thought. Thinking it was over before was just "thinking," knowing is entirely different. I haven't slept well in days. My mind just spins and does the what if thing. There is no what if... move on! I keep telling myself that but it isn't helping. My mom and friends keep reminding me of how unhappy I was, it isn't helping. I have taken on a project to reupholster my kitchen chairs, it isn't helping. My kids are home and very snuggly, and it isn't helping. Time is the only thing and that isn't helping. ARGH.. I think I have become a pirate or something. I start my job next Monday and am so sad that I have to go to my new boss and hand her a list of dates I can't be at work for because of mandatory court hearings. I am just sick about that. I have always had a great work ethic and that is something I would not do if it weren't mandated. I was able to change one of the dates due to orientation but the rest I have to do. My husband had a counseling appointment in town today and stopped by to help me with the tivo that quit working. I heard him talking to the woman on the phone saying "you will have to talk to my wife because I have an appointment." It choked me up.. I want to beg him to give me another try but, it won't help and I would look like a fool. I would do it in a heart beat but I want him to stay because he loves me and not out of guilt or a weak moment. I at least figured that out in this lovely process. I am learning to respect myself at least a little. I may get this yet! I will get it, I am just a little slow in the learning curve but tenacious.... and finally tired! Good night.