Is it better to go through life without love in order not
to have to endure loss? I think not but it is so painful
to wait with baited breath for the report on Bobby's scans,
hoping against hope for remission. This time not a lot
was lost or gained and there was no spreading. There seemed
to be a bit of improvement in the liver but a new spot in
the lungs. The oncologist told him that he would have
seventeen months left if he stopped chemo and the goal
was to continue chemo and keep him as comfortable as possible. He will continue the chemo every three weeks.
He is suffering a lot to stay alive for his daughters, his
wife, his sister and for me. We can only hope for new
and more effective drugs and treatment.

Ted continues to take the Aricept and Namenda but the
mental descent seems pretty rapid especially when you
factor in chronic pain and being crippled as well. He
was making signs for Saturday's garage sale and spelled
meadow as medo. I try to remember the handsome fun loving
guy that I married who was so creative and I am thankful
that he is still sweet and loving instead of stubborn and
hateful.

The little crumbs of joy that life affords me are still
present and I grab them. I am fortunate in that I have
such good health, even though I wish I could bestow some
of it on Bobby and Ted. I picked up Adrienne and Dakota
today from school and it pleases me that Dakota feels so
welcome here. Young people are such a pleasure to be around.