The anniversary of Tod's death is approaching, and I find myself thinking about him more than usual. The house is full of reminders of him; not just some of his possessions, but other things as well.

There is that pot that he scorched. It was brand new and he had the heat up too high for what he was cooking. I tried to tell him but he insisted he knew what he was doing. The scorch marks used to annoy me. Now, they are just another reminder of Tod.

Yesterday I put clean sheets on a bed. There was that burn mark from his cigarette. That really annoyed me at the time too because I had told him time and again not to smoke in bed. That too has become a reminder of his presence in my life.

I sometimes wonder .... How can my life seem so 'normal' when such a big chunk of it is gone? I still paint and do all of the things I did before he died. How is that possible? I still laugh, love, and reach out to others.

One thing has changed- besides loosing my beautiful son. I feel lonely a lot. Maybe that is not the right word, but I am ready to admit someone into my life even if it means rearranging everything. I have not met anyone yet and am not really looking either. Maybe the loneliness that I feel is just the gaping hole in my heart that I feel from loosing Tod.
P.S.: The image did not post right- but you figured that out already, didn't you?