About a year before Tod died I became depressed. I lost some friends who despite their dysfunctions, had been friends of mine for nearly two decades. To this day I get calls from bill collectors wanting to know if I have their contact info. I don't have it and don't need it.

In May of last year I decided that I wanted to sell my house and move to Covington, KY. They have the beginnings of an artist community there of which I wanted to be a part. Besides, my dad was born in Covington; my grandparents are buried there, and I lived in the Greater Cincinnati area for a time as a child. That roused me out of my depression a bit, but then Tod died in June.

I somehow shuffled through this last year and felt like my life was out of control. I lost interest in my house. I had no interest in fixing anything or doing anything and was even more resentful when the housing market went upside down and I could no longer sell it for what I needed to move. I even let myself go. The only thing I focused on was publishing the Auxiliary newsletters and hours of sitting at my PC and getting no exercise at all took its toll on my body. I got fat. I also have a vitamin D deficiency from not getting enough sunlight... and I live in Florida!

I don't know what got into me, but starting last week I became determined to get a few things back under control. Heck, I know how it started- my home owners association got after me about the mold stains on the side of my house. I ignored that too, but then after I slipped and fell on the mold accumulating on my deck, I decided to do something about it. After I could walk again (it still hurts) I did a chemical wash of the one side of my house that seems to mold over every few years (oh- so that is north?) and while I was at it, I trimmed the bushes and did some clean up around the front and sides. Once the outside started to look good again, I started to tackle the inside too. There is just so much to do, but I wanted to be outside, so during the daylight hours I started on the back. I am tired and sore from days out in my yard, but it feels so good!

Today I bought a pressure washer. I am amazed at how much of the golden oak color remains under the moldy and weathered top coat on the deck. It will take me days to finish the two decks, the wooden walkways, the sidewalk and driveway, but I am remembering how good it feels to be active again. After the sun goes down and the mosquitoes come out, I go back inside and finish another chore or project inside. A few weeks of this and I will be proud of my home again. At the very least, I will be proud of my accomplishments.