My son forgot my birthday. No card, no call- nothing. We talked about my birthday just a week before the date, so how did he forget?

Just the week before my birthday I tried to talk to him about how I felt unappreciated. I feel like he has resented me ever since Tod was born. He definitely was jealous of Tod and that sentiment never died, and his alcoholic father did everything in his power to nurture that sentiment when Michael was a child.

I had hoped that since Tod's death we might grow closer. According to Michael, feeling unappreciated is all in my mind. Then he forgets my birthday even though we mentioned it during that call. He is a busy man and he just forgot.
His wife referred to Tod as my "Golden Boy" even before she met him, and to me as a "Drama Queen" when I get upset at the things they say to me. Immediately after Tod's viewing, his wife told me that she thinks I "use the PTSD as an excuse". If I really wanted to 'get over it'. I could simply take different medications, more medications, see a different doctor. I have no idea how or why me being hurt by her words is my fault because since I let her know that both her words and her timing were insensitive and uninformed, she has not spoken to me, and apparently does not intend to in the near future.

I was good and did not whine too much over the holidays. They were rough. Michael made little effort to help. He called me twice between Thanksgiving and Christmas Day even though he knew what a hard time I was having. When I talked to him on Christmas Day he never even acknowledged a single gift I sent him. I did not want him to be grateful. I just wanted to feel as if I had pleased him. Pathetic, huh?

I am in a worse funk now than I was over the holidays. I am so depressed. I keep trying to pick myself up; immerse myself in my art- anything to ignore the pain. Today I was working on a painting when I simply broke down and started crying. Not even painting is helping me right now.

I promise not to whine in my next post. Somehow I feel like I am violating some kind of cardinal rule by posting this. Because it is too honest and intimate?

I did receive a visit today from some friends, but they did not stay too long. They were in my back yard.