I did not make it. On the morning of my flight, my car would not start. The starter is under recall and I put off replacing it because it never failed for something important before. Just once in a while, it fails to start, then hours later, it starts like nothing happened. The flight and hotel were non-refundable. It is time to get the damn starter replaced! Despite the financial hit, I felt like I got a reprieve. Weird, huh?

It bothered me that I could not go and I must admit that thinking about my son criticizing me for not coming added to my sense of dread. Why, when he will not talk to me? I spent most of the day sleeping, but I needed it because I was so anxious the night before that I could not sleep.

I spent late Thursday and most of Friday dickering with my pastels. I bought some pads on sale and did not realize that all of the paper was black. My initial sense of dread evaporated as i began to experiment with it.My mind is reeling with ideas on how to use this black paper and I am discovering several things about my techniques that I have to improve/change. Since I am genuinely learning, it feels better again. Now, 'mediocrity' does not matter so much when I can look at something and know what I learned.