I am posting this with one person in mind. I understand he gets picked on a lot by Cindy. Sorry, Grumpy, this one is for you.

Purported Duct Tape-related meaning of the song, " Twelve Days of Christmas"

The "true love" mentioned in the song doesn't refer to an earthly suitor; it refers to the duct tape god him/her/itself!
The "me" who receives the presents refers to every person who uses duct tape. The first day, one roll of duct tape was given. Realizing that one roll is never enough, the gifting continued for eleven more days.

The other symbols mean the following:
2 Turtle Doves = two rolls of duct tape

3 French Hens = three rolls of duct tape

4 Calling Birds = four rolls of duct tape

5 Five Golden rings = five rolls of duct tape (which are actually rings of silver, not gold)

6 Geese A-Laying = six bottles of beer in a six pack

7 Swans A-Swimming = seven rolls of duct tape

8 Maids A-Milking = eight rolls of duct tape

9 Ladies Dancing = nine rolls of duct tape

10 Lords A-Leaping = ten rolls of duct tape

11 Eleven Pipers Piping = eleven rolls of duct tape

12 Drummers drumming = twelve cans of beer in one of them fridge pack things (with a duct tape reinforced end on it because you ripped it open with too much vigor)


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Twelve Holiday Uses for Duct Tape:

12. Red duct tape with white duct tape trim covering a down ski jacket makes a cheap Santa outfit.
11. Hang stockings from the chimney with duct tape.
10. Fasten decorative lights to railings of house with duct tape.
9. Thin strips of Duct Tape make great self-adhering tinsel.
8. Cover the inevitable gift fruit cake with duct tape and use as door stop.
7. Wrap gifts in Duct Tape for the gift that says, "Open me... Eventually."
6. Cover Christmas tree boughs with green duct tape to prevent needles from dropping.
5. Cover your dead tree limbs with green duct tape and cut fringes in the tape. Presto! Perma-Christmas Tree!
4. Control that hideous holiday weight gain... Duct tape over your mouth.
3. Duct tape over the names in last year's greeting cards and resend them.
2. Silver duct tape turns that old bride's maid dress into shiny holiday formal wear.
1. Duct tape great Grumpy upright in his chair.



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Nothing will assure that you get your share of holiday kissing like this clever invention (successfully implemented by Tim at last year's holiday party): A mistletoe holder. Duct tape a stick to your head with mistletoe duct taped to the end of the stick hanging about six to eight inches in front of your face. Get ready for some rapid-fire smooching'!