Laura

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troutbend
Name:
Laura
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Estes Park, CO
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08/01
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Married
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Hotel - Hospitality

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This Oughta Be Good

Entertainment > Humor > New Nursery Rhymes
 

New Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
********************


Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
********************

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
********************


Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass' !!
********************


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..
********************


Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
********************


Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
********************


There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.


posted on July 28, 2010 7:35 AM ()

Comments:

I love these. They go into my "Laughs" folder.
comment by tealstar on July 28, 2010 9:07 PM ()
They're cute, aren't they?
reply by troutbend on July 28, 2010 9:48 PM ()
Very funny but sick!sick!sick!
comment by elderjane on July 28, 2010 5:45 PM ()
My friend I've been telling you about who is newly unemployed sent them to me.
reply by troutbend on July 28, 2010 9:48 PM ()
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
"With cockleshells and daffodils
...and one fooking eggplant!"
comment by jondude on July 28, 2010 2:21 PM ()
I'm trying to think who we're missing from this list.
reply by troutbend on July 28, 2010 9:49 PM ()
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
who sat down beside her, and said:
"What's in the bowl, Biotch?"
comment by jondude on July 28, 2010 2:19 PM ()
comment by kristilyn3 on July 28, 2010 9:04 AM ()
So cute. The Addams Family would teach these to their children instead of the regular ones.
reply by troutbend on July 28, 2010 5:47 PM ()

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