I know, I know. I have done it again. I fell off the blogging wagon, having gone almost two weeks since my last post. Mostly, it has been a matter of not really having time to squeeze it in at night. I have been doing some meetings and I have class at night so when I come home, I am just too lazy to jump on here and post something. It definitely isn't because I haven't had things to say. Work is going great, and I always have things to share from there. I feel like I really have become part of a great team, and I am having chance to really explore so many different things. It is definitely allowing me to grow in different ways professionally.

The only thing that I am a little worried about is that I think that work has become a bit of a crutch for me. Things are really going great there, and that makes it an escape for the challenges I am having at home. Don't get me wrong ... we are not facing another crisis. We have definitely had enough of those this year with Ray's three hospital visits and some of the other troubles.

The thing is, that when I have days off, I am finding that I am getting really down. So much so that I really don't want to go out much. I tend to sit in front of the television or read and avoid doing anything. I am doing the usual chores around the house. What really has me worried is that I am really down on the days that I am not working. The good thing about work is that I don't have to worry about things because I am distracted.

The irony is that a part of me is just feeling totally trapped by life right now. I am working three jobs: my new full-time one, the courses I teach as an adjunct that the library grad school, and the Sundays I am working at my old library. I really do love each of them, but I just feel like it is too much right now. The problem is that I don't have a choice ... I can't give any of it up.

Even with all of this working, we are having trouble keeping up on the economic side of life. We are better off than so many people in these unfortunate times, but it is a struggle. We have fallen behind in a few areas, and I just don't see any of that changing any time soon even with my increased salary with the new job and all of the working I am doing.

I don't think I am special in that I should get any breaks. Other people are just as deserving ... or even more deserving. I just feel like I need some sort of break with everything that we have been confronted with this year. I just know that I am not sure how much longer I can keep up at this pace. I am really burned out.

posted on Oct 7, 2011 7:53 PM ()

Comments:

Hang in there! Sooner or later something will give and maybe you can let go of one of your jobs. I hope so, for your sake.

comment by maggiemae on Oct 30, 2012 7:18 PM ()

My son holds three jobs, I hold three jobs, I'm stressed, but happy to be employed when I see so many around me who aren't. Hang in there AJ.

comment by teacherwoman on Dec 12, 2011 4:14 AM ()

Thanks!

reply by trekbrarian on Dec 12, 2011 7:01 AM ()

I know how overwhelming financial difficulties can be, and how hard to keep up especially with Ray's recent health problems. Ray's stroke likely meant the loss of his income, which is hard on both of you. He may feel dependent and guilty while you are struggling to provide everything and feeling exhausted. No, you are not wallowing. You are simply exhausted. My love to you both, especially you.

comment by dragonflyby on Nov 7, 2011 8:07 AM ()

Thanks so much for the support. I am doing better than I was when I wrote this. Things are still a challenge, but I don't feel totally overwhelmed anymore.

reply by trekbrarian on Nov 7, 2011 8:16 AM ()

Haven't even seen you on fb, where you been?

comment by teacherwoman on Oct 26, 2011 2:41 PM ()

Things have kept me really bus so I have not been online as much as I used to be.

reply by trekbrarian on Oct 26, 2011 6:12 PM ()

I have always found that with time, things will work themselves out.

reguards
yer supportive pal
bugg

comment by honeybugg on Oct 13, 2011 3:09 PM ()

Thanks. I think you are right. It is just hard to see it that way sometimes. We will get there.

reply by lunarhunk on Oct 13, 2011 6:54 PM ()

Sorry,to hear this.Did not realized that you were having some difficulties there.I am sure both of you can worked this out in the near future.
Good Luck.Fredo

comment by fredo on Oct 9, 2011 8:52 AM ()

As always, your support is much appreciated!

reply by lunarhunk on Oct 9, 2011 3:24 PM ()

Whoa!!!!!!!well you got a lot of good comments there.
What bothers me that something is missing?
What"Not going to tell you how to handle your jobs there.
But the bothersome is this:where does Ray fit into this.?
What does he think of all this that your going through.
You are still a very young man and also Ray who gone through a lot in his medical issues.Take the time and do something together.Together do you hear me AJ.Get out like Martin says.Go to a play or escape a weekend just the two of you.I know that you can do.You need some time off there.
Things are not going to get better if you do not know how to say NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!But that is your business and do not like where this is going.Think that they are taking advantage of You????just asking.
Skip the playing cards and just go out or even visiting your friends.
You cannot be the welcome wagon for everyone.Wish you guys come here and spend a weekend with us.Your invited anytime.Or a day visit or something.
Love you both.But this is your life.Just trying to help some.Hey!I live with a social worker and you know what this means.
Love you guys.Check out the colors out there.

comment by fredo on Oct 8, 2011 1:08 PM ()

Freda, I always appreciate your love and support. It really isn't so much that I can't say no to the workplaces. They have always been willing to accept a new when they ask. The real problem is that Ray and I can't afford it if I say no. Things have gotten that tight. Even with all of the working, we are just barely eking by ... even falling behind in some areas. Things have not been good when it comes to the household economics.

reply by trekbrarian on Oct 8, 2011 6:19 PM ()

I am the last one to advise BUT that doesn't stop me Do you really need all those cable stations? Do you really need that extra fancy cellphone AND Ipad?? Do you NEED wii and computer games??? Less is more--you need to GET OUT, GET AWAY from routines--you need to get----oooops!!!---better not say that here!

comment by greatmartin on Oct 8, 2011 9:28 AM ()

Don't worry! I always appreciate your advice because I know you do it because you are a friend. You would really be proud of me. I have cut back on buy new electronic toys. Other than a few items purchased with gift cards to particular stores as going away gifts, I haven't bought anything like that since before Ray's stroke last January. I don't mean that to sound defensive ... just the way things are right now.
I even have to track my gas usage to watch the budget applied to that. We don't have public transit in the area that I live in so that is not really much of an option.
I do need to get out and change my routine, though. You are totally right. I just need to sort out how to afford to do that and still be able to (sorta) pay our bills and still be able to eat.

reply by trekbrarian on Oct 8, 2011 6:18 PM ()

I know that you are right. The problem is that whatever we do has to be free. To give you an idea as to how tough things are going, we have been going some weeks from time to time without being able to go grocery shopping. We have enough in the pantry, but that scares the crap out of me.

comment by lunarhunk on Oct 8, 2011 8:11 AM ()

Learn from your elders!!! When I was involved with WW I worked 24/7 and wished there was more hours in the day--I loved my job--after 2 years of this I was asked by a friend, "What if there was no WW?" And it was then that I realized that your job can't be EVERYTHING because if it goes you are left with nothing!! You and Ray have to start 'dating' again--do things--different things--take a day trip to Donna--go see a play in Providence--get out of town--make time for a life away from work@

comment by greatmartin on Oct 8, 2011 8:01 AM ()

I know that you are right. The problem is that whatever we do has to be free. To give you an idea as to how tough things are going, we have been going some weeks from time to time without being able to go grocery shopping. We have enough in the pantry, but that scares the crap out of me.

reply by lunarhunk on Oct 8, 2011 8:11 AM ()

I am sorry you are dealing with so much right now. on your days off force yourself to get outside with Ray, go for a walk, anything! I know what it's like to get stuck in that depression. do you still play cards with the ladies? I think you need a night of playing cards and laughing. hang in there, it will get better.

comment by elkhound on Oct 8, 2011 5:36 AM ()

Thanks! Inside, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We have started up with our Saturday crew again after it being on hold since just before Ray's stroke. The pause we for multiple reasons. The cards has been helping.
I guess that I am just having a problem not wallowing.

reply by lunarhunk on Oct 8, 2011 8:10 AM ()

I'm hoping this is just a 'time' and things get better for you soon. Sending encouraging wishes.

comment by kitchentales on Oct 7, 2011 8:23 PM ()

Thanks!

reply by lunarhunk on Oct 7, 2011 8:38 PM ()

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