I have always been something of a searcher. I look for the meaning of things. Sometimes, I may do it a little too much. I have this idealized view that there has to be a reason for everything I have been through. It would be a horrible to think that everything is all just chance.

I looked for answers in unusual places. I went to seminary. I tried to find them in the bottom of a whiskey bottle. There has been studies of philosophers, poets, warriors, leaders, heroes, psychos and crooks. I learned something from each of them. Not always about myself but often about people.

I believe I really do want to see the good in people. However, life experiences have made me mistrusting and cynical. I just can't understand why people do some things. Here in Houston, two days in a row, young children died because some dumbass, worthless adult left them in a car in 100 degree August heat. They said they forgot they were there. What kind of fucking idiot forgets they have a child in the car? I just don't understand.

I have an ex-employer that is lawsuit happy and sues everybody. What does he think is going to happen? That me, and everyone else he is suing, is going to be so afraid we are going to just roll over and die. Not me, he misjudged me. It makes me even more determined to go out and get more business that he had and ruin his company. From what I understand, he is doing a great job of killing it himself, but it would give me so much satisfaction to know I helped drive the nails into that company's coffin. He just doesn't understand people.

Amy told me I need a tension release. Maybe that is just the thing for tonight. I think I may go out and howl at the moon and just see what is what. Have a little good Single Malt Scotch and a fine cigar. See if there are any cute bois around tonight. They are always there. You just have to look.

So, maybe tonight, I will suspend my search for answers or the truth and go on a search for sex.

After all, that is what being a pirate is all about. A search for booty.

Later