I'm sorry
you're going through this ... maybe you should stop placing yourself under
someone else's power-Ameirgobard

You know I
really think you should reserve your judgment about BDSM and the psychodynamics
of it without knowing anything at all about it.  BDSM is a power exchange and each person in the relationship has a
measure of power, it is usually equal, how ever in Johnny’s case it is not so
much though in the time we have been together I have become a part of him in
ways he thought could never happen to him though still very different than what
you might have with a regular girlfriend. See thought there is the flipside to that
too have a deeper connection to him than I would someone in a vanilla relationship.

maybe you
should stop placing yourself under someone else's power ... human beings are
flawed, and they will let you down ... your real "Dom" is is inside
you ... God doesn't fail ... or dominate-Ameirgobard

You know at
least I think you do that giving up ones power happens both in a vanilla
relationship and a BDSM one it is a power exchange in both instances and each
side must acquiesce to the other. You are assuming also that I have no say well
I did.  I used to but according to my
Johnny I have failed to a point that extreme measures must be taken and this is
not to say that I still could not fail but unlike a vanilla relationship I am
given the opportunity to show my intrinsic value to him as opposed to being
served papers and being told it is over because he is powerless to change me.

If you are
going to bring God into it perhaps you should read the Bible and figure out
exactly what women’s place is.  It is
certainly is not as an equal to man no mater what neo-Christians want to
preach. Not only is a woman expected to be subservient her husband is expected
to be punished her for transgressions.  I
would hazard to say that all BDSM relationships are more Biblical and pleasing
to God than vanilla relationships not to mention a heck of a lot more
entertaining if he is in fact keeping a tick sheet of our sexuality which I
seriously doubt.

I suggest
you stop hanging around people who use you ...-Ameirgobard

You now it
is very hard for me right now to be rational, to maintain my tenuous hold on
reality right now but I think between the two of us I might be doing a better
job.  Amerigo, I considered you a cyber
buddy at the very least for a long time and was insulted that you would call
Johnny out for being an adult worker and that is a small part of what I am
paying for now. I am not allowed to be rude but your assumptions and apparent
twofaced personality offend me.

Johnny never
used me.  To be used one must be ignorant
to the fact not consensual.  I gave him
my life knowing full well what could happen both the blossoming of compliance
and the dark devastation of disobedience. I was completely aware of what was
expected of me and, apparently, by his admission used my own feelings of
comfort to manipulate him. 

you have
many gifts to cultivate ... you have more to offer the world than your
sexuality .-Ameirgobard

You still
seem to have a misguided view of what my life is. You think that I am some how
degraded or feel bad about my sexuality when in fact I embrace it and revel in
it however that is a very small aspect of me and what I do and have done. Sex
is the gravy in this business and I love that part of it.  I spend hours of every day writing be it
blogs, advertisements, blurbs, website text and so on.  Then I have to code many websites and
scripts.  Add to that I have to design
the graphics for the sites, for banners, for ads, for those who hire me to do
so.  Top that with the sound recordings, video
and photo shoots and do not forget the sneezing or the now occasional live
shows. Not to mention the endless networking, talking to models, performers,
submissives, Mistresses, photographers, producers and other industry
professionals. This is just my professional life I have already told you I am
very civic minded and give both my money and my time to the world around
me.  Your assumptions that I have more to
offer than my sexuality that demeans me not my relationship(s). In a BDSM relationship
humiliation is as necessary and expected as pollen to the flower however degradation
of one is not expected in a friendship.

I've made
plenty of mistakes in my life when it comes to sex, so I'm not judging you, or
the way you make your living, but I DO believe you have much more to offer the
world,-Ameirgobard

Forgive me
for thinking that is exactly what you are doing.

, and that
you would be happier in the company of kinder people than the one who did you a
favor by moving on to another victim ...-Ameirgobard

I was never
a victim and I am sadly sure that, this, this Aurora is not one either. He is irresistible how
can I really blame her even if her blond hair does fall to her waist. Perhaps
the fair flawless complexion and innocent blue eyes fit better with his broody,
dark, bad boy good looks.  I am sure she
will be cut by his razor wire charm and broken by is magnificent mind as well
and revel in her wounds. Maybe her pouty lips taste sweeter when he bites.  Perhaps I am like a song on the radio, one
they play over and over and over again until you know all of the words and
finally cannot bear to hear anymore because it has been overplayed, overused,
overdone, just over.