I picked up The Secret again last night. I was in a foul mood when I got home yet again due to thinking about finances and how screwed up it all is (cuz of my previous spending habits). I was mad at R as well for not making me feel better… and he could tell I was mad. Anyways – I almost threw this book against the wall about 3 times calling out BULL SHIT! But kept wading through it. All in all, no matter what the books "magic" seems to promise, the more positive your thoughts, the more positive you will be. So I kept reading and I am glad I did. I still have a ways to go though.

R and I actually talked about my pissy-ness. I told him that we had a significant breakdown in communication and I was mad about it. Turns out, it was all my fault. I hate it when that happens! But he simply reminded me that the things I was looking for him to say this time he had said in the past and I didn’t like them then so he didn’t say them again. Why do people pay so much attention to things like that about me??? It came back to bite me in the ass, but I see it as a good thing. I can learn from that.

So, back to my getting frustrated with my finances.

I need to step back and look at the past few months. I have made major strides in cutting down the debt. My dad has helped me out by lowering what “rent” was due, and now that it’s back to normal in March I am freaking out? I should be thankful that I had the extra time to lower my overall debt. I need to look for the positives, which R helped me out with this yet again.

I wonder why I am broken. Why does my brain always veer towards the dark side? I am not a fan, but only I can change it.

I am sick of see-sawing. I want to remain positive this time for awhile. I do not want to forget it.

Happy Tuesday people.