I really don’t have anything good to blog about. Shocking, I know. Actually, now that I think about it, I rarely, if ever have something good to blog about but that doesn’t stop me from yap, yap, yapping away.

And it’s not going to stop me today! Ha.

I am actually sitting in front of my computer, willing myself to not take a nap. I am one tired mama physically and otherwise. I’m pretty sure my iron is low again which is also likely contributing to the fatigue. That and the boy, of course. Add some excitement, of sorts, that kept me up way, way past my bedtime last night and it’s no small wonder my eyes are crossing and the couch where Julian is sleeping right now keeps looking better and better.

But I am willing myself to stay awake. I even drank caffeine in the middle of the day and I pretty much never do that. And if you’re wondering why I don’t just give in and lay down… it’s because that tends to disrupt my sleep at night, meaning that I have a hard time falling asleep if I nap during the day and that really sucks ass when I know I will be up, without a doubt, in the middle of the night with a head banging, screaming little boy.

This weekend coming up is supposed to be an alone weekend for me and normally I would be pretty excited about the whole thing. But this time around, it won’t be the snooze fest I would like it to be. During my last weekend without kids, while I was having dinner with my parents, I made plans with them to go the Big City to do some Christmas shopping. Doesn’t sound so bad, does it? No…and it didn’t to me, either when I was there a week and a half ago. But that’s because I was already pretty rested! I had had a good night’s sleep when I agreed to that! My parents are obscenely early risers (maybe a lifetime of having to start work at seven a.m. is to blame? They’re both retired now and still consider sleeping until six thirty a “late start” to the day) and want to be on the road to the Big City by eight a.m. (it’s roughly an hour and a half to two hours there). That was my mother’s stipulation on the trip: “We have to be on the road by eight o’clock.” Like I said, it didn’t sound so bad when I had had a decent night’s sleep!

Anyway, I will be going to their place on Friday night to sleep over so that I can, in fact, be ready by eight o’clock. Which, for the record, will likely turn into seven thirty once Saturday morning rolls around. They’re like that. And if you’re wondering why I can’t just have a good night’s sleep at their place (after all, the kids won’t be there and even if my mother or father woke up screaming in the night, I doubt I’d be expected to be responsible for it) it’s just because I don’t sleep well there. I’m not sure why but I have a really hard falling asleep at their house. Maybe because I always sleep in my old bedroom and that little trip down memory lane sort of freaks me out? Or maybe because it’s too damn dark and too damn quiet. Regardless, I think I’ll have to have a few drinks before I turn in on Friday night if I want to get any rest at all before the Big City trip.

Of course, sleep deprivation aside, I am looking forward to going to the Big City to do some Christmas shopping. I’ve been trying to buy things here and there for the kids but that’s really, really hard when I’m almost never not with them. And trying to cram the shopping into my already over-stuffed evenings out is just not working out. I actually saw a really great table and chair set that I wanted to get for Julian when I was out with him and Olivia on Saturday but by the time I got to the store last night, they were sold out. Story of my fucking life. I walked around the toy department for an hour last night, dazed and slightly stupefied by fatigue, looking for the damn sets, so sure they couldn’t possibly have sold out in less than forty-eight hours.

You might think that it’s early yet to be shopping for Christmas presents, especially since you American folk haven’t even had Thanksgiving, yet (craziness) but it’s actually late by my watch. Once you factor in three children to shop for, without help or input from anyone else in their lives and then start dividing it by the limited time I actually have to shop alone, it’s pretty scary. Keep your fingers crossed for me on the weekend, ‘kay?

For someone who didn’t have anything to blog about I sure am chatty this afternoon.

Anyhoo, while I’m at my parents, Troy will be at my house with the kids. I know that’s weird but we’ve done it that way a few times in the last year or so. If I’m going to be away, I just let him stay here with them instead of packing the kids up and such. And that way, the kids get to sleep in their own beds, have their own toys, etc.

Maybe I should have mentioned that Troy doesn’t have an apartment or house of his own. He lives in a basement room in a house right next to where he works with something like four or five roommates. So when he takes the kids for the weekend, he has to go to his mother’s house.

The kids didn’t see their Dad much at all last week and so this week, he’ll be around more often. A LOT more often, actually. He is trying to “make it up” to the girls (who were really heart broken by their Dad’s words and actions last week…I didn’t blog about it because the hurt was still fresh…and yes, Randy, if you’re reading, that’s where the funny post came from…). He’s always doing that…trying to make things up to the kids (and me, a bit, I guess) instead of just being consistent. * sigh* He was here last night, will be here again tonight and again on Wednesday. Then we’ll see him again Friday evening before I leave for my folks’ place. That’s a whole lot of Troy!

Now, pretend I wasn’t just blogging about Troy, okay? Just tell yourself that this next little bit of the post has nothing to do with him, alright?

Oh…I should put a warning up before I start, I guess. Like they have on TV.

THE FOLLOWING BLOG POST DEALS WITH MATURE SUBJECT MATTER. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

There, that oughtta do it.

So, what’s up squirting?

I mean, it used to be an involuntary reflex that some women had some of the time when they were having an orgasm. Ladies used to be scared they were peeing on their partner. But now it’s like some kind of new gold standard.

Let’s face it…roughly half of all women aren’t even having an orgasm. Now we’re expected to squirt every time, too? That’s far too much pressure! Never mind the fact that it IS involuntary and can’t be controlled. When did it become so important? And sexy? And when the Hell did it become a talent?! I think we might have porn to thank for this. Leave it to them to take the fun right out of anything natural.

I have a friend whose partner is so fixated on her squirting that if she doesn’t he gets upset. I guess maybe he thinks that if she didn’t ejaculate it means she didn’t orgasm? Not sure. But she thinks it has more to do with his previous girlfriend. Didn’t Chris Rock have a bit about something like that? That if your man wants something nasty you can thank whatever woman raised the bar of nastiness for him in a previous relationship?

But I digress…

This friend of mine will actually fake squirting if she doesn’t ejaculate during intercourse by peeing on her boyfriend!

Is it just me or is this ridiculous?

On that wet note…Happy Tuesday everyone…and cheer up! It could be worse… you could have to pee on someone in order to make their night or possibly worse than that… your girlfriend could be peeing on you…