DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction and falsehood based almost not entirely on a real human being.




My name is CHI WAAAAAAH WAAAAAAH SMASHER!!!!! and I really LOVE sandwiches. I can’t help myself really it just seems when I look at a nice ham and swiss on old world style Tuscan bread that my sausage-like fingers can’t help but wrap around that mayonnaise soaked mustardy goodness and choke it all down in once disgustingly vile bite. When I eat the sandwiches I OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM them.

Sometimes I get upset that my underbearing pussy of a husband can’t initiate enough force to manage to be enough of a Godhead to keep my rather ample ass in line but alas, we can’t always get what we want. I have something that I want to confess to you Johnny, I want your cock. I know that you hate my guts and you think I am a disgusting piece of pig shit and you know what, you are probably right. I just can’t help myself, when I think about how insanely fucking good looking you are I just can’t help but fantasize about smothering you in chocolate, ranch dressing, and bacon bits and eating you alive… I mean it.

When I think about you Johnny I get short of breath, like those times when I try to venture three feet away from my desk and actually walk to the car to go and pick up more doughnuts and Chinese take-out. I know that you wouldn’t fuck me with a stolen dick, even for all of the gold in Persia (However much that is) and I make the bile rise up in your throat when you try to contemplate just how many tits I have but it was just something that I had to get off my chest.

I’m sorry I have been such a lunatic cow… please forgive me Master.