So I went out to get a few stocking stuffer items for my man. Now this would normally be an easy task, but as you all know nothing is easy for me.

I went to Lawton's (which by the way is the best place to get stocking stuffers at the last minute, if you don’t believe me , then don’t come crying to me when its down to the last wire and you have nothing prepared). Anyway I went to Lawton's. I knew what my plan of attack was, this is important otherwise you get distracted like I did. ( I JUST happened to walk by the perfume section and saw glittering there in its beautiful pinkness COTTON CANDY perfume. HOW FREAKING AWESOME IS THAT? So ten minutes of snorting cotton candy perfume…..)

I went to get trail mix for my man. This is because he likes nuts. Now you cant go wrong with trail mix, right? Its even better than just nuts, there is a whole party going on that bag ! Why have one nut when you can have a whole bunch? You see though the problem is that some people are retarded. Yes retarded. They don’t like cashews or almonds because *insert whiny voice here* they are too crunchy….. WHAT the hell? Your not eighty years old, you still have teeth you know?

I stood there and before me was an aisle of trail mix of HELL! Apparently there is not one kind of trail mix. OH NO that just be TOO DARN SIMPLE.

I swear the whole aisle was nothing but various types of trail mix. You have seria mix, Cajun mix, spicy Texan mix, crunchy bitchin mix, oh nutty mix, big salty mix of goodness, California mix, Fluffy bunny nuts, Birdseed nuts, Bootcamp Nuts, tree nuts …… LIKE WHAT THE HELL? There’s mixes with pictures of green bits and ….. weird ass shaped nuts that are similar to an ufos. What up with that????

Meanwhile, when I was having a sensory overload of nuts (never in my entire life would I think I would say that sentence) some lady comes bashing, Yes that’s right BASHING through the aisle. RIGHT in front of me while I was making a life altering decision.

YES an life altering decision, for you see this relationship will rest upon my successful choice of trail mix. For example if I choose the right one he will say “Oh Sarah how did you know I like this mix with such and such nuts?” Me “ Because I know you and love you baby “ *insert pearly white smile here*

Now there is a possibility that I can choose the wrong mix because some people are just plain wacked. Once you throw raisins in there its game over. That’s it. Once you have raisins and people come together ITS ON ! PEOPLE ARE FRIGGIN NUTS (hahha) about raisins. Some people simply do not like raisins….. that’s fine, but you shouldn’t like damn grapes either. And some people *insert really annoying dumb voice here* “Don’t like raisins mixed in with stuff” or they will only eat raisins if they are covered with something like chocolate “HUK HUK I only eat raisins if they are drowned in chocolate”…. That my friend DEFEATS the whole purpose of fruit. That would like mosses trying to part the waters by saying open sesame…. It just doesn’t work kid, so just friggin eat your fruit. And once you mention stuffing then its like you are mentioning god itself. You better effing duck and cover if you say you put raisins in your stuffing for the turkey. THE LOOK people give you when you say that, is one of complete utter disgust. It’s a look worse than mentioning sardines on your pizza, look worse than when you see a cat hair ball on your carpet, a look worse than an mean old granny can give you. Are you kidding me ? They are little tiny dried up grapes ….. and your freaking over them. The next time you give me that face I am going to throw raisins at you and see what you do. Who knows maybe you will convulsive on the floor screaming “AHHHH RAISINS I EFFING HATE RAISINS…………..MY ONLY WEAKNESS AHHH “ (Raisins the new … kryptonite? )

Continuing on , I had a life altering decision to make. If I made the wrong choice of trail mix (that could have raisins in them) then he would say “Oh …. Trail mix with … such and such nut … I don’t like such and such nut “ Now from this point you cant save yourself. There is no way you can make yourself look good after a trail mix disaster. Go ahead try , you will only dig your self a hole. Your DONE , toast, that’s it there is no turning back after the trail mix.

So I was standing there trying to decide on what mix to buy, when this lady busts through the aisle. Let me describe the scene more accurately here so you can understand what was going down that day.

I don’t stand directly in front of the package, nor do I have my face on inch from the package. I don’t do this nor do I think I should sacrifice my sanity just for a few people who want the whole aisle to themselves. So I was standing a distance away from the trail mix that allowed for a person to go between me and the aisle, but the distance away also allowed for a person to go AROUND ME. I don’t know if there are certain rules to aisles manners but ploughing and busting through like you OWN that effing aisle when I am peril is not a way to be. Okay lady? You could of went around me. I know that might take *gasp* an extra step or two but by geeze Im in the process of making the most important decision for my relationship right now. And don’t get me started with people and their damn carts either.

Now you all know the importance of trail mix.