Being a Woman Means that you have to fulfill some stereotypes, activities and so forth.

This includes collecting, purchasing and learning the strange art of makeup.

Now, I am a pretty down to earth person and really not that prissy. I wont spend all day getting all dolled up because
a) don't have the patience for it
b) don't know the art and craft, the skill of doing makeup amazingly
c) Don't care

But you will not see me without my foundation on. That's right, I cant go anywhere without my foundation. Which leads me to my adventure of getting some new foundation last week as since I ran out.

It was cold out (Ha big surprise there !) and old man winter was being arsehole. Listen buddy you and I need to talk. YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE OLD!!?!?! Which means you are suppose to be retiring, relaxing a bit on the cold shit and snowflakes deal. But what do you do ? You make minus ten million freeze any extremity off outside. I CANT feel my ass ?!?!?! Like WTF? That's the only spot where all my fat goes ... AND I CANT FEEL IT??? Whats the point of having that FAT?? And not only you make it freeze your effin balls off temperature, you make it windy as hell ! So a hood is pointless. It wont keep you warm because the wind will take it right off and bitch slap you in the face. I Do NOT like being blown around like Mary Effing Poppins. I CANT even walk straight because the wind is that strong! Go Take effing nap old man... and stop blowing snowflakes down my chest !! ITS NOT FUNNY. You mean old senile jerk.
THAT'S right I called you senile !

Now where was I ?

Ah yes foundation. The makeup aisle in shoppers is organized by brand.
Apparently getting the right foundation is not an easy task...
Okay there was brand that had temperatures in order to identify your skin color. WTF?
There was 'warm" if you had golden, yellow undertones, 'Cool" if you had blue, green undertones and "neutral" neither color or an equal balance of both. Riiiiight and I am somehow suppose to see the ' undertones ' of my skin color. *Looks at arm......* Hmmm I see blue veins does that count ?

So I skipped that brand and went to the next. This brand had basic colors, ivory, beige blah blah. Pretty easy to pick out a color here for myself .... just choose whatever is the whitest. Ah but I was wrong.
There was ivory 110 and ivory 115. I stood there rather dumbfounded. What the hell is the difference ? An extra 5 of what? So I grabbed both bottles and put them together. I then moved them away at arms length. I felt like an little old Grannie trying to read a label.....
I felt like I was trying to see a optical illusion picture (Which by the way does not work, and is STUPID. Yeah I want to spend half hour squinting and shoving a psychedelic photo in my face and look like a retard by moving it back and forth. AND like I really want to see some dumb horse after all that squinting. But people tell me to look at it again, I will surely see this 'magical horse'. My eyes are going to effing BLEED if I keep looking at that shit !!)

I squinted at one foundation bottle and then put the other right in front of me. I then tested the wind direction, did a dance, dumped them on the floor and started to finger paint, ran around in the store with them.
And after all that my conclusions were that the 115 was pinker..................... I think.

Now once you find your 'colour' you must find the right foundation. GOOOD luck with that.
There are some with sunscreen, no sunscreen, minerals, oil-free, long lasting 12 hours, long lasting 24 hours, long lasting 2 years, paint thinner, moisturizing, bronzer, wrinkle fighting shit (which has like ten different kinds), antioxidants, guacamole, citrus shit, goat milk..... turkey ... LIKE WHAT THE HELL.

Just get me a damn foundation that covers my skin, doesn't kill my skin and doesn't look like I painted on. Is that so hard?