Jeremy

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Jeremy
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Life & Events > Relationships > Guilt is a Funny Thing
 

Guilt is a Funny Thing

A phrase in one of CJ's posts dovetails with the content of this post. She mentioned something about "guilt feelings". They are a tricky thing. When I read her post, I had no idea what we were about to go through here.
We've taken in a woman and her two teenagers to stay with us for a few days. Her husband has beaten her and the children for 19 years. She tried to just stay around and take it, in order to save the "family". BUT, she's finally decided to leave him.
Do you know who's got guilt feelings now? Not him. Not his family, who, by the way, are still trying to protect him and ameliorate the consequences of what he has done. Not her or the teenagers.
I'M THE ONE! It's driving me crazy. I've done the right thing. I've done the compassionate thing. I've helped the victims. I'm being criticized as someone who got involved in a marital problem that should have stayed between two. I'm being criticized as someone who is making this out to be bigger than it is. I'm being criticized as someone who isn't handling the situation right. If it were up to me, he would be in jail right now, not sleeping the sweet, peaceful sleep of a tranquilizer IN THE COMFORT OF THE HOME IN WHICH HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN SHOULD BE!
There are promises from the family that they will take him to Guadalajara to a psychiatric clinic tomorrow. I highly doubt it. He'll wake up better and they'll change their minds.
He's been to our house at 6:30am on Friday. He backed up to our apartment and dumped out loads of her clothes in our front door and ripped up a handful of letters, letting the pieces fall where they may around noon that day. He showed up last night at 12 midnight and to top it all off, he showed up at church and marched unimpeded right up to the platform, past my wife who was leading singing and came for me. We got him outside and several men tried to calm him down. He got into his truck. Unfortunately, he left before the police got there. The children were scared to death, crying and hiding under the pews.
Unfortunately, even if I report him myself, she'll have to have the courage to follow through with the denunciation (or however you say that in English, I forget what the word is). I don't think she will. His mother had the nerve to ask her to go back to him, just so he would calm down. And his sister says the wife is at fault for provoking him verbally. Give me a break. A little common sense would be nice, but I'm finding it harder and harder to find these days.
Well, that's my long story. I might write more about this or I might delete this one. I wouldn't want anyone from here Googling my name and reading what I've written, although they would have to read it through one of those translating web sites and that would be truly hilarious.
If you believe in God at all, say a prayer for us. This is a violent man who needs to be restrained.

posted on Aug 22, 2010 6:42 PM ()

Comments:

You did the right thing. I just read that she went back, however. It happens so often. Why they go back is totally beyond me.
comment by redimpala on Aug 25, 2010 4:57 PM ()
You certainly did the right thing. I worked for a year with battered women. If she goes back there will be a honeymoon period for a few weeks and then the beating will start again. If there is a shelter anywhere
near there put her and her kids in the car and take her there. Whatever
happens do not feel guilty. A shelter will teach her how to cope and
become financially independent.
comment by elderjane on Aug 23, 2010 6:37 AM ()
Sadly, Mexico still hasn't caught on. No shelters anywhere near here.However, they have been working on it lately, with extensive advertising and new laws which really put the screws to the abusers.
reply by jerms on Aug 24, 2010 9:36 PM ()
Don't listen to the naysayers. You have done the humane thing. But be forewarned, very often abused wives go back to the abuser when he makes nice. They are trapped in a pattern. If this happens, don't beat yourself up. And don't feel guilty for "interfering". If she wakes up dead, his family will probably say she provoked him. I feel sorry for the children and wonder if they will recover emotionally and lead healthy lives.
comment by tealstar on Aug 22, 2010 7:28 PM ()
I've told Jennifer the same thing. She probably will go back to him sooner or later. She'll do it against my advice and with the knowledge that I won't take her back in if he hits her again. I don't need this kind of headache and stress, if she's not going to do what needs to be done.
reply by jerms on Aug 22, 2010 7:36 PM ()
You've done a thankless thing, but I think it was the right thing to do. They probably don't have a lot of shelters for abused women and children in Mexico, do they? Seems like he's putting on a big manly show like a big gorilla pounding its own chest with its fists to prove something, and you are convenient to take it out on.
comment by troutbend on Aug 22, 2010 6:50 PM ()
The only thing he's proving is that this should have ended years ago.
reply by jerms on Aug 22, 2010 7:35 PM ()

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