As some of you know I care and love someone terribly much (about a year now), but there are several personal issues that makes the situation terribly difficult.
Problem is (I wrote about that before) I am married for 29 years now and love my family a lot. I always have hidden my gay feelings but those feelings come up more and more. It is in my head every day but I miss the courage to take action cause of being insecure about it a lot (also caused by my age I guess). I really want to do something about it but that's a process that takes a lot of time. Weak of me perhaps but that's how it is. Consequences like job, family, friends, house and also financial issues (which I consider as less important btw) makes it not easy. I hate myself for being not able making decisions.
Other point between the two of us is distance. He lives in Brazil and we never met in real. It was planned to let this happen this year. I know you might think it's just internet but be sure we both we were aware of that a lot and that doesn't make feelings different from what they are.

Last Friday when I was talking with my dear friend I noticed his moods were going up and down about the two of us and I could not reply on questions about when I would be able to make decisions. I suggested it perhaps would be better to end our relationship to let him free and avoid giving him hope about something that might last a lot of time. It might look like an easy decision but that is not what it was. I hurt him a lot with it (I knew that off course) and that's something he don't deserve at all. I wish I could have act different but I see no solution for our problems in the near future.
Problem is my feelings didn't changed at all and I still love him very much. My feelings are hurt as well by making that decision and I feel broken about it a lot. That sounds weird perhaps but ending up with someone you love a lot is such a hard decision. He gave me feelings I never had before and I will always carry them with me. I really wish I was able to make another decision. Hurting him this way is something that makes me hate myself so much, he is the sweetest sensitive guy I ever met.