Breaking News
 
 
(AP, UPI, Reuters, Weekly World Globe)
 
     Yesterday, shots were fired at the private home of  Grand Imperial Poobah Candidate Honey J. Bugg,(Who Gives a Shit Party- West By God). Ms. Bugg's humble beach house on South Summumma Beach was fired upon by a high caliber rifle sending a bullet crashing through her kitchen and lodging in an inside wall just short of Ms. Bugg's bedroom.  Police were summoned  and investigation is alleged to be underway.  Witnesses, including Bugg estate employee Nicholas T. Richard, report hearing a big crack like a big tree breaking.  "At the time the shots were fired," Mr. Richard (stage name "Nick The Dick") is quoted as saying,  "Ms. Bugg was in the bedroom going over some econonmic policy briefing books..yeah, that's it...breifing books.  Rumors that she was napping are greatly exagerated."
     When reached for comment, a calm, collected Ms. Bugg stated.  "This in no way stifles my campaign nor lessens my support for Second  Ammendment rights. But when I find the little bastid who did this, they're gonna havta pry that gun from his cold, dead ASS.  Sweet Jesus, if they'd shot a few feet over and hit the bathroom, I'd be worm food right now."
      Chief of Ms. Bugg's Secret Service detail, J. Strom Mayberry, refused to comment on the rumors that Ms. Bugg's protective agents were lounging about at Elmer's Dounut Dungeon, a local pastry shop at the time of the attack.
     Fellow candidates Barack Obama (Jackass- Illiois), Hillary Clinton (Imaginary Sniper Survivor- New York),  and John McCain (Old Geezer- Arizona) could not be reached for alibis...I mean comment.