Jim

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Jim
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Cranky Swamp Yankee

Health & Fitness > The Trouble with Limbo
 

The Trouble with Limbo


I don’t know. Is it just me, or do other people have a hard time dealing with Limbo too?
You know, Limbo. The uncertainty of things…the unknown.
How many of us are afraid of the dark?
How many of us hate having to wait for answers to important questions, especially when those answers can make the difference between life and death?

***

 
Some people just don’t get it, and that can be damned frustrating sometimes!
Case in point – my proctologist, Dr Roger. An AWFULLY nice guy. Bald. Middle eastern. Staunch Democrat. Great sense of humor. Loves to argue. Passionate about politics.
Dr. Roger performed the colonoscopy on me a week ago.
He found one polyp.
When I came to in the recovery room after the procedure, he told me that he was sending the polyp off for a biopsy. He said that he was pretty sure that the thing was benign, but that he would give me a call when the final results were in.
All week long, I didn’t hear a thing from him.
Que nada.
Zippo.
Nothing.
So, after a few days of no news, I figured that everything was okay, and that life (particularly mine) would go on.
Then, I came home from work on Friday, and I noticed there was a message on my answering machine. It went something like this - "Jim, this is Dr. Roger. Everything is fine. However, the results of the biopsy on the polyp have come in. You need to give me a call."
 
 
Suddenly, everything in the universe came to a screeching halt. The world stopped spinning on its axis.
"The results of the biopsy are in. You need to give me a call."
Life was never going to be same for me again.
Radiation.
Chemo.
Yards of my intestines being yanked out in a last-ditch effort to stop the disease that was insatiably devouring my bowels.
My mouth went dry.
My hands were shaking as I dialed the phone and called Dr. Roger’s office.
The time was 4:45 p.m.
Dr. Roger’s office closes at 4:00 p.m.
Call back on Monday.
SHIT!
Needless to say, the weekend was a long one. I woke up Saturday thinking about my colon, and I continued thinking about it all weekend long.
Mary and I went down to work on the boat. I worked on the boat and thought about my colon.
We went for a horseback ride Saturday afternoon. I rode Mariah…and thought about my colon.
Sunday, I split and stacked firewood…and thought about my colon.
Sunday night, we went down to the Main Street Pub and met a few of our friends for Stein Night. I had a couple of pints…and thought about my colon.
I was irritable all weekend. Things rubbed me the wrong way. I could feel myself getting temperamental and short. I fought it, and I did a fairly good job of keeping my edginess under control. If I had let it, the fear could have easily gotten out of control. But it never did. It just sat there, in my mind, ever-present. Like a bad song that plays over and over and over again in your head. No matter what you do, you can’t get rid of it or turn it off.
Monday morning (THIS morning) came.
Dr. Roger’s office opens at 9:00 a.m. At 9:01, I was on the horn with his receptionist.
"I’m sorry, Mr. Hetrick. Dr. Roger is at the hospital until 2:30. Call back then."
You’ve gotta be kidding me!!!! Five and a half hours from now???!!! That’s a freaking eternity!
By now, I could feel the tumors growing in my intestines.
About eight days later, it was 2:30.
I called the office again and told the receptionist who I was. She told me that she would see if the doctor could speak to me, and she put me on hold. Two minutes later, Dr. Roger picked up and said, "Jim! How are you doing?"
I was relieved to hear his voice! Then, I got nervous. In just a few seconds, I would find out the results of the biopsy, and then I would have to start dealing with cancer! My life was never going to be same again after this moment.
"How am I?" I said. "I guess that all depends!"
"On what?" he asked.
"On what you have to tell me about the biopsy."
"Oh!" he replied. "Well then, in that case, you’re fine."
What did he just say?
"You’re fine."
"Really?"
"Really!"
"No cancer?"
"Nope."
"Then, it wasn’t malignant?"
"Benign as all hell."
The relief was tremendous. I suddenly felt as giddy as a school girl who was just asked to the prom. Suddenly, the sun was shining, and birds were singing, and God was in Heaven, and all was right with the world. Then, all at once, I got angry. "I’ve been worried about this all freaking weekend!"
"Why?" he asked, completely mystified. "I left a message saying that everything was fine!"
"Yes!" I acknowledged. "But you also said that you wanted to discuss the biopsy results with me."
"Yes!" he said again. "I told you! The biopsy showed the polyp to be benign. So I’ll see you in four years!"
He didn’t get it.
When hypochondriacs like myself hear a doctor say, "discuss biopsy results", and "You need to give me a call", what we really hear is, "Don’t buy any long-movies. You’re not going to make it to the closing credits!"
So, if any of you reading this are doctors, do your patients a favor - DON’T call them on Friday afternoons! Can’t the freaking news, good OR bad, wait until Monday?

posted on June 23, 2008 6:44 PM ()

Comments:

Glad your ok. I can't hardly stand doctors. I fire them all the time. They work for ME not the other way around. Glad you like yours. Sounds like he just didn't "think" what he was saying (or didn't say) could scare the crap out of somebody!...No pun intended.
comment by justmyopinion on July 2, 2008 5:22 PM ()
We are all glad you are fine. It was an agonizing weekend, though... even if you did some fun things, it was still on your mind. I had one doctor (well, awhile ago) that told me "No news is good news." He said that he wouldn't call if everything was fine. Other doctors I've had had either gotten me or wrote it all down all at once in a letter. That was only once and it wasn't serious. I think this would have been better, especially since you had waited that long any way. Well... Glad things turned out fine.
comment by sunlight on July 1, 2008 2:30 PM ()
Whew! My stomach was actually twisting and turning as I read this post. So glad to hear your okay. Perhaps next time the doctor should be a little more specific with his phone messages! What an awful weekend you must have had.
comment by mellowdee on June 26, 2008 8:27 AM ()
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh!!!! Why do they do that!!!!! You had me very upset for a moment.
comment by teacherwoman on June 24, 2008 3:12 PM ()
Well said Jim. That is exactly how I would feel in that predicament. I am so so so GLAD you are ok!
comment by shesaidwhat on June 24, 2008 12:47 PM ()
I think scotch was invented for times like this. Good, peaty single malt scotch. Geezzzz.
comment by looserobes on June 24, 2008 5:46 AM ()
I'm thrilled you are okay, but for heaven's sake, there has got to be a better, more sensitive and responsive communication system in place to deliver such important news! I would have raised holy jumped up hell until I spoke with the man! You can't leave people hanging like that. Yeeesh.
comment by marta on June 23, 2008 8:33 PM ()
Yes, I had that for over a week with the doc telling me I need open heart surgery and disappears!! They really don't think of the anxiety they cause their patients and wonder why we don't want to go for exams!
comment by greatmartin on June 23, 2008 8:10 PM ()
Go to Wal-Mart. Walk back to the sports area. Purchase a small handgun. In two weeks return to Wal-Mart. Pick up your government-approved handgun and buy a box of ammo. Go to that doctor's office and shoot the son-of-a-#####.
comment by jondude on June 23, 2008 7:41 PM ()
Geez.. too bad you missed the weekend on account of this guy.
I had polyps removed during my first two colonsocopies, and a few "things" were removed from my back on separate occasions, but I just assumed that it was no big deal, so the word from the doc's office didn't mean much when it finally came. So, you're healthy now, enjoy the week!
comment by jjoohhnn on June 23, 2008 7:15 PM ()
I had my mammogram today.Nothing to it except the waiting for the results.One of my first questions was "When will I get the results?"I didn't care about pain,just when will I find out something.So I am in limbo for a few days to a week.One more thing to worry about.I am very happy to hear your colon is going to be with you for atleast another 4 years.Laurie
comment by dogsalot on June 23, 2008 7:13 PM ()
dear gawd how horrible!!! I would have been INSANE with worry - I would have blogged about it prolly...
GLAD YOU ARE OK!
comment by kristilyn3 on June 23, 2008 7:12 PM ()

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