ACT 2

(Stage is the same as ACT 1 except that there is a bleacher set up at downstage left facing away from the audience.)

(Enter JANICE. Carrying schoolbooks. Dressed in skirt, blouse shoes and knee socks of a parochial school uniform. She finds a comfortable place to sit under the bleachers. Makes a little nest for herself in the grass, humming happily to herself. Then she sits and waits. After a few moments, she looks off stage right. She sees something that disturbs her. She gasps, jumps to her feet, gathers up her belongings in a panic. She looks around for a place to hide, and sees two trash cans farther up under the bleachers at extremely upstage left.)

(Enter YOUNG HOWARD with knapsack. Looks around and then sits where JANICE was just sitting. He reaches into the knapsack and pulls out a Playboy magazine. He begins thumbing through it breathlessly. Periodically looking up and glancing around to see if anybody is coming.
YOUNG JIM enters stage left. YOUNG HOWARD quickly hides the Playboy by sitting on it.)

YOUNG JIM. Hey, Howie.
YOUNG HOWARD. Hey.
YOUNG JIM. What’s happening?
YOUNG HOWARD. Huh?
YOUNG JIM (shaking his head.) Howard. You are sooooo unhip!
YOUNG HOWARD. Am not!
YOUNG JIM. (sighing and sitting down next to YOUNG HOWARD.) Okay. You’re not. I don’t feel like arguing. So. What’s…going on?
YOUNG HOWARD. Nothing. What’s going on with you?
YOUNG JIM. Nothing.
YOUNG HOWARD. So, what are you doing up here?
YOUNG JIM. What?
YOUNG HOWARD. I said, "So what are you doing up here?" Is there are a reason that you’re here, or what?
YOUNG JIM. Do I need a reason to be here?

YOUNG HOWARD. No. No. Of course not! But…why are you here?
YOUNG JIM. I saw you walking up here. So I followed. Is that all right?
YOUNG HOWARD. Fine.
YOUNG JIM. (starting to rise.) Look. If you’d rather be alone or something, just say so.
YOUNG HOWARD. NO! No! Stay! I’d like you to stay. I just thought it was odd that you were up here, that’s all. Stay as long as you like!
YOUNG JIM.(Sitting back down) You sure?

YOUNG HOWARD nods.

YOUNG JIM. Okay then.

(They both stare off into space, a little uneasy with the silence that has now fallen around them.)

YOUNG JIM. Tell me Howie. Ever thought about what’s going to happen to us?
YOUNG HOWARD. What do you mean? Are we in trouble or something? Do the nuns think I wrote that rhyme about Sister Agatha that’s on the boys’ wash room wall? I’ll deny it! I’ll swear on a stack of Bibles that I didn’t do it!
YOUNG JIM. Then you’ll go straight to Hell when you die! Lying on the Bible is a venial sin. Lying on a STACK of Bibles has got to be Mortal City!
YOUNG HOWARD. I don’t care.
YOUNG JIM. Then you’ll go to Hell!
YOUNG HOWARD. Who squealed on me?
YOUNG JIM. Nobody.
YOUNG HOWARD. Then how did the nuns find out?
YOUNG JIM. Who says they did?
YOUNG HOWARD. You did!
YOUNG JIM. I did not!
YOUNG HOWARD. Yes! You did!
YOUNG JIM. Howard. I just asked if you ever thought about what’s going to happen to us. I meant after high school. In the future. You’re the one that brought up the Limerick about Sister Agatha.
YOUNG HOWARD. Oh.
YOUNG JIM. So you wrote that, huh?
YOUNG HOWARD. (shifting uneasily) Maybe.
YOUNG JIM. When were you ever in Nantucket?
YOUNG HOWARD. I wasn’t.
YOUNG JIM. So why’d you write about it on the bathroom wall?
YOUNG HOWARD. You ask too many questions.
YOUNG JIM. (shrugging) Fine then.
YOUNG HOWARD. (After a Hetrick pause) I don’t know.
YOUNG JIM. Huh?
YOUNG HOWARD. You asked what I thought would happen after high school. I don’t know.
YOUNG JIM. Okay. I guess we’re shifting gears here now.
YOUNG HOWARD. I never really thought about it. I’ve got enough problems dealing with the ‘here and now."
YOUNG JIM. Don’t we all!
YOUNG HOWARD. I guess I’ll go to college.
YOUNG JIM. You don’t sound too enthusiastic about it.
YOUNG HOWARD. I’m not.
YOUNG JIM. You don’t want to go to college?
YOUNG HOWARD. Not particularly.
YOUNG JIM. Holy mackerel, Howard! You’ve GOT to go to college! You’re a freaking genius!
YOUNG HOWARD. I said I was going, didn’t I? It just that…well…my heart’s not in it, that’s all.
YOUNG JIM. But what else would you do? I mean, if you want a good job, you’ve got to go to college!
YOUNG HOWARD. Not to be a carpenter, you don’t.

YOUNG JIM pauses for a moment.

YOUNG JIM. You want to be a carpenter?
YOUNG HOWARD (getting a little defensive) Something wrong with that?
YOUNG JIM. NO! No! There’s nothing wrong with being a carpenter! It’s a fine profession. It’s just that I never thought of it, that’s all.
YOUNG HOWARD. I’m good at it.
YOUNG JIM. Yes. Yes you are. In wood shop, your projects always look professional.
YOUNG HOWARD. And, as a carpenter, you can be your own boss and make a decent living at it.
YOUNG JIM. That’s right.
YOUNG HOWARD. And I love working with wood.
YOUNG JIM. So, you’re going to be a carpenter then.
YOUNG HOWARD. No. I told you. I’m going to college.
YOUNG JIM. How come?
YOUNG HOWARD. Because…because my dad wants me to.
YOUNG JIM. But your dad’s a plumber!
YOUNG HOWARD (getting defensive again) Are you making fun of my father?

YOUNG JIM. Christ Howard! (realizes that he just said, "Christ". Glances up toward Heaven and makes the sign of the cross.) Will you relax? All I’m saying is that your dad’s got a trade, and he’s good at it, and he seems happy with his job. You’d think that he’d be ecstatic that you’d want to go into the trades too.
YOUNG HOWARD. Well, he’s not. He keeps telling me that he wants me to make something of myself. Like what he does isn’t good enough for me. He says that if he gets injured or, for some reason or other, he can’t work, then there’s no backup, and we’d have to sell everything and end up in the poor house. He told me to get an education. If I want to be a carpenter afterwards, then fine. At least I’ll have something to fall back on if something happens to my hands.
YOUNG JIM. That makes sense.

YOUNG HOWARD grimaces and nods.

YOUNG HOWARD. I guess. But if I go to college, I’ll never be a carpenter.
YOUNG JIM. So then don’t go to college. It’s your life. You don’t have to do what your father says after you’re eighteen.

YOUNG HOWARD grimaces again.

YOUNG HOWARD. I couldn’t do that. It would break his heart. I wouldn’t want to hurt him. (He pauses and then continues.) What about you? Are you going to college?
YOUNG JIM. Oh yeah! I’ve got to. If I don’t my old man will kill me. He wants me to be a teacher, just like him.
YOUNG HOWARD. Phys. Ed.?
YOUNG JIM. (shakes his head in disgust) English and literature.
YOUNG HOWARD. Jim. Your dad’s a Phys. Ed teach.
YOUNG JIM. Uh-huh. And that’s what he wants me to be, but I’m going to be an English and literature teacher.
YOUNG HOWARD. To get back at your old man?
YOUNG JIM. No.
YOUNG HOWARD. Then why?

YOUNG JIM. Because I like English and literature. Is that okay with you?
YOUNG HOWARD. (shrugs) Fine. Going to get married?
YOUNG JIM. I don’t know. I guess so.
YOUNG HOWARD. To who?
YOUNG JIM. How the hell should I know? Somebody I meet in college! Okay?
YOUNG HOWARD. Relax, will you?
YOUNG JIM. Why are you asking so many stupid questions?
YOUNG HOWARD. You started it.
YOUNG JIM. Well, knock it off.
YOUNG HOWARD. I think I’d like to study horticulture.
YOUNG JIM. Huh?
YOUNG HOWARD. In college. UConn’s got a great horticultural program.
YOUNG JIM. You want to study plants?
YOUNG HOWARD. Why not? I think they’re fascinating. Maybe when I get my degree I go to South America and study the rain forests.
YOUNG JIM. Are you serious?
YOUNG HOWARD. Sure! Maybe. Who knows? Since I probably won’t be a carpenter. Maybe I’ll discover the cure for cancer or diabetes…or maybe the common cold. Don’t you think that would be exciting?
YOUNG JIM. Too many bugs.
YOUNG HOWARD. I don’t know if I’ll get married. I’m not very good around girls. My insides get all
twisted up when I have to speak to them.
YOUNG JIM. So you’re going to go the Amazon all alone to study plants and find a cure for cold sores.
YOUNG HOWARD. Not cold sores! The common cold! And what’s wrong with that? That’s a pretty noble goal I think. And I LIKE plants!
YOUNG JIM. How are you going to find a girl to marry by doing that?
YOUNG HOWARD. Who says I’m looking for a girl to marry? All the best ones already have steady boyfriends anyway. And besides, there are lots of girls who study horticulture.
YOUNG JIM. I don’t know, Howie. It doesn’t sound all that promising to me.
YOUNG HOWARD. Because you don’t dream big enough, that’s why. You’re going to be stuck in some high school classroom with 25 or 30 brats who’d rather be doing anything else in the whole world than studying "A Tale of Two Cities", and I’m going to be out traipsing around the four corners of the world!
YOUNG JIM. You’re really serious about this?
YOUNG HOWARD. I don’t know. Like I said, I really haven’t given it much thought. But, when I do, that’s what I think about.
YOUNG JIM. Well, good for you! (YOUNG HOWARD shoots him a withering look.) No! No! I really mean it! If that’s what you want, then that’s great! Actually, sounds kind of exciting. Not for me, mind you. But if that’s what floats your boat, go for it! More power to you!
YOUNG HOWARD. (Guardedly) Thanks.

(YOUNG JIM climbs to his feet.)

YOUNG JIM. Well. Guess I better get going. Got a yearbook committee meeting in room 204 in about ten minutes. Want to walk with me back to the school?
YOUNG HOWARD. (shaking his head) No. Don’t think so. I think I just hang around up here for a while and take in the view.
YOUNG JIM. Suit yourself. (He starts to leave. Turns back to YOUNG HOWARD.) No kidding. I think it’s great that you want to study horticulture.
YOUNG HOWARD. (Shrugs) We’ll see. But thanks!

(YOUNG JIM exits and YOUNG HOWARD watches him go. When he is sure that YOUNG JIM is gone, YOUNG HOWARD pulls out the Playboy again and starts reading it again. He hides his face from the audience with the magazine because he is looking at it so closely.) Suddenly, Janice sneezes from behind the garbage pails, startling YOUNG HOWARD so badly that he yelps and sends the magazine into orbit. He immediately jumps to his feet, scrambling around to get the magazine and shoves it back into his knapsack.

At this point, JANICE sneezes again. YOUNG HOWARD locates the source of the sound and walks back to the garbage cans and looks behind them.

YOUNG HOWARD. God bless you.

JANICE (standing up slowly and looking sheepish.)Thank you.

YOUNG HOWARD. (suddenly recognizing her.) Oh. Hello Janice.

JANICE. Hello. Howard, right?

YOUNG HOWARD (nods and looks down at the ground.) What are you doing out here? There’s not a game or anything today, is there?

JANICE. I don’t know. I just come out here to…er…study.

YOUNG HOWARD. You come out under the bleachers to study?

JANICE (nods and answers defensively.) Yes. It’s peaceful and quiet out here. Nobody bothers you either…most of the time.

YOUNG HOWARD. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize anybody was here.

JANICE. (accusatorily) And what are you doing out here?

YOUNG HOWARD. (shrugs) Same as you. Studying. I do that a lot here.

JANICE. It’s funny that I’ve never seen you here before.

YOUNG HOWARD. Oh. Well. I usually sit under the bleachers on the third base side.

JANICE. Oh. And what do you study over there? Dirty magazines?

YOUNG HOWARD. (blushes) Oh…Well… No. Not usually. I mean, not ever. Really…I… (Getting flustered and swiftly changing the subject.) And do you always study behind the garbage cans?

JANICE. (Not missing a beat) No. I never sit in the same place twice. I like variety.

YOUNG HOWARD. (Not believing a word of it.) And what are you studying?

JANICE. Actually, I was reading a book for literature class. What were you studying?

YOUNG HOWARD. (Looking away) Anatomy.

JANICE. (Suddenly looking at her watch.) Oh! I didn’t realize how late it was! I’d better get going home!

YOUNG HOWARD. Can I walk you home?

JANICE. (abruptly) No! (Softens) I mean. It’s a long walk. You might get tired.

YOUNG HOWARD. How far is it?

JANICE. A long, long way.

YOUNG HOWARD (finally getting the hint) Oh. Well. Good-bye.

(He sits down and pulls a textbook out of his knapsack. JANICE takes a few steps. Stops. Then turns back to YOUNG HOWARD. Nervous.)

JANICE. (trying to act nonchalant.) Aren’t you going to go home too?

YOUNG HOWARD. (Shakes his head.) No. Not for a while. It’s such a beautiful day out. I think I’ll just sit here and study for a while.

JANICE. (looks off in the direction that she entered the stage.) But don’t you have things to do?

YOUNG HOWARD. (Shakes his head again.) Nothing that can’t wait.

(Sounds offstage of somebody coming. JANICE gets more nervous. YOUNG HOWARD hears it too, but pretends that he doesn’t.)

JANICE. Would you do me a big favor?

YOUNG HOWARD. (Looking up from his book) Of course!

JANICE. Would you, um, go out to the parking lot on the far side of the ball field for me?

(She points off stage left.)

YOUNG HOWARD. (Looks off stage left and then back at JANICE.) Why?

JANICE. It’s a science experiment that I have to do. When you get down there, I’ll clap my hands, and you’ll raise your hand when you hear then noise. I’ll time how long it takes you to hear me.

YOUNG HOWARD. I thought you were reading a novel for English.

JANICE. It’s a novel about science! Now go!!!

(She tries to push him.)

YOUNG HOWARD. (Stands his ground) But you don’t know how far away that is! You won’t know how far the sound has traveled.

(Sounds offstage grow louder and a young male voice calls out JANICE’s name. JANICE is now in a panic.)

JANICE. We’ll measure it later. Now go!

(She shoves him again.)

YOUNG HOWARD. (Still standing ground.) Have you got a tape measure?

JANICE. YES!

YOUNG HOWARD. One that will go about a quarter of a mile?

JANICE. Please go!

YOUNG HOWARD. But…

(Offstage voice calls JANICE’s name again.)

JANICE. (Stomps her feet, almost in tears) Ohhhhh!

YOUNG HOWARD. Relax, Janice. I’ll hide. Your boyfriend won’t find me. (He runs up behind the garbage cans and ducks down)

JANICE.
(Greatly relieved and defensive at the same time.)
He’s not my boyfriend! We’re just study partners, that’s all.