You know where you get
retrospective and do the wonder ifs. When you, just you, are sitting there and
wonder what life could have been if you had just, if you had just done this one
thing different.  And would you have?

One thing I have learned
is that it all about choices. Life is a path, that’s all, a path. We pick a way
we choose to go. There are forks in the road, but we are the ones who pick the
way to go. One of the things I hate more than just about anything is the “devil
made me do it “excuse.  That is just
bullshit.

 If you check out the Bible the “Devil” never made
any one do anything.  Oh yes he tempted,
and he still does, but it is up to you if that is the path you follow. It is
the same with God, he will temp you-he will show a path, a gateway, but the
last I knew no one has ever been carried into Heaven yelling and screaming “I
don’t want to go”.  At some point a
choice was made.

Can your past make you
what you are; of course it can-if you let it. My step father abused me both
physically and mentally. He beat me till I bled and taught me I wasn’t worth
shit. And that is how I lived-till I figured out that was him and not me. Have
I forgiven him? No. I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire.

But I made the choice
that he wasn’t me I was a drunk, a druggie, an abuser. I should be in jail for
my acts. Till I made a choice.

I was a bad man, I can
still be scary. Ask Linda-when I get mad my eyes get real hard and people back
up. There is still the bad man in me. Piss me off and I will hurt you. But he
isn’t there much anymore, not really. He only comes out when I feel I have to
protect mine. There is the difference.

I don’t know a lot about
morals and the law and all that other stuff, but I have figured out that I know
my rules and my conscience.

·         I know my
life is mine, what I am is because of me. Not somebody else.

·         I will do
what I know is right and not apologize for it.

·         If I have
done you wrong through my fault or anothers I will do my best to make it right.

·         I will not
lie to you. If you ask me a question my answer will be the truth as I know
it-not what you want to hear.

·          I wii always give you the respect you give me.
No less and usally much more. But I am a man and I don’t back up.

·         It is my job
to protect the weak. Don’t fuck with me. I will fuck with you.

I guess
Iam lucky—I have a life where I can have a simple set of rules to live by.

 Life made what I am-God gave me life.