> *****************************************************
> > Deer Santa,
> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
> > Yer Friend, Billy
> >
> > Dear Billy,
> > Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How
> > about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving
> > your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
> > Santa
> >
> >
> *****************************************************
> > Dear Santa,
> > I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
> > is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
> > Love, Sarah
> > Dear Sarah,
> > Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> > Santa
> >
> > ****************************************************
> > Dear Santa,
> >I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
> > my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
> > Love, Teddy
> > Dear Teddy,
> > Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
> > hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
> > frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
> > dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.
> > Santa
> >
> > ****************************************************
> > Dear Santa,
> > I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
> > Love, Francis
> > Dear Francis,
> > Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
> > Santa
> >
> > ****************************************************
> > Dear Santa,
> > I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
> > Love, Susan
> > Dear Susan,
> >Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to
> do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
> > Santa
> >
> > ****************************************************
> > Dear Santa,
> > What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
> > Your friend, Thomas
> > Dear Thomas,
> >All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I
> > spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.
> > I unwind by drinking myself silly and playing grab ass with
> > cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you
> > wanted to know.
> > Santa
> >
> > ****************************************************
> > Dear Santa,
> > Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
> > Love, Jessica
> > Dear Jessica,
> >Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
> > Santa
> >
> > ****************************************************
> > Dear Santa,
> >I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
> > Love, Timmy
> > Dear Timmy,
> > That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater
> > again.
> > Santa
> >
> > ****************************************************
> > Dearest Santa,
> >We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
> > Love, Marky
> > Dear Mark,
> > First stop calling yourself 'Marky', that's why you're getting
> > your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live
> > in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
> > the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
> > Sweet dreams,
> > Santa
>
>
>