By Frank James

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune published a letter from Satan to evangelist Pat Robertson, responding to his comment that Haiti's persistent troubles, including the earthquake, are due to a pact the nation made with Mephistopheles.

Actually, it wasn't Satan who wrote the letter but Lilly Coyle of Minneapolis writing in the persona of the hellish one.

I think she got it down pretty well. What say you?

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS



I can't believe the hate mongers out there- everything from "a Man of God" to radio and TV personalities and politicians who decry our volunteer efforts to help these people in crisis. Yes, our own economy is in trouble. Yes, we have people in our own country who need help. So we should ignore an island neighbor and the 35,000 t 40,000 dead and the 1.5 million homeless and hungry and do nothing? I am outraged by the suggestion that we should do nothing or limit our assistance to emergency medical treatment and food, then walk away from it all. In my gut I think they might feel more charity and compassion if Haiti's population were not predominantly black and poor.

I have to echo one of redimpala's (SP?) sentiments: I am sick to death of extremists who criticize Obama every time he opens his mouth or signs a piece of paper. He has been openly condemned ever since he contacted Haiti and offered assistance- as if he deliberately created this situation to grab glory for himself and derail our efforts to stabilize our economy.