(pic of Carmen Electra)

I constantly read about "women" who say they need to diet. Most say they are fat because of a "metobolism" problem. Might be true for 1 or 2 of the "Thousands" that write this, but most likely they are fat because they EAT TOO MUCH.

Myself, I am pretty lean, not too fat.. and not too thin. People often wonder how I do it. I've decided to tell you all my secrets. FREE, so you can thow that "South Beach, Jenny Craig, and other plans" out the window now. Just follow these simple steps....
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1) Wake up at like "NOON" or later. See you skipped a meal right there.

2) 12 O'clock morning.. Grab a beer. If you prefer "Rum or something", do that instead. Just mix with a "diet pop".. you won't notice a difference.

3) 1 PM.. It's time for another. See, your not hungry already. The booze takes over.

4) 2 PM.. Get yourself 2 drinks. They start to go down faster at this time. Still, you aren't thinking about food.

5) 3 PM.. You'll probably want 3 drinks this time. That's ok, cause you still haven't ate.

6) 4 PM.. your stomach will be a little "un-settled". Go grab a nice piece of "un-fattening" bread. It will soak up some booze, and make you ready to go for awhile.

7) 5 PM.. Have another 3 drinks. Go blog awhile on "MyBloggers", it will take your mind off eating. Especially after reading all the negative comments you got, from posts you don't remember doing last night.

8) 6 PM.. Now you will have to eat something.. You are getting a bit "weasy". Take a few bites of the sandwiches you made yesterday. You won't want much. They pretty much suck now. By now (in this one day only), you began losing weight.

9) 7 PM.. Drink another 3 drinks.

10) 8 PM.. Your pretty much drunk at this point. Turn on some "Porn", Get your "headphones out. Turn on some nice "Hard Rock Music". Relax a few. Watch the lezbos awhile and enjoy.

11) 9 PM.. Drink another 3 drinks.

12) 10 PM.. start getting pissed about all the messes the kids left around the house. Decide to talk to them in the morning. They are asleep. Clean "some" of their chit up. This keeps your mind off food again.

13) 11 PM.. Now you are drunk and Horney. Go wake that spouse of yours. Have sex for a few hours. See, the booze you have in you will make this longer. Not to mention the hour you will have to beg to wake her/him up. The extra time to "cum", helps lose alot of weight.

14) 2 AM.. Come out of the room and finish your booze. You won't be thinking of food. All you want to do then is start the computer again.

15) 3 AM.. You know by now you are "toasted". You will grab a simple few bites to eat, but only enough to get you through till morning.

16) 4 AM.. You will want to see some porn again, listen to some loud music again. But it won't take long before you stumble to the bedroom... and pass out....
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I've been on this diet for quite some time. I tell you, it WORKS! It's a whole lot better then eating "3 eggs, 7 bacon strips, and french toast with butter" every fucking morning. Not to mention all the icecream, and other stuff through the day.

You can even drink "full flavor" beer on it (Not those dorky water light beers). I'm telling you.. this "REALLY WORKS"!

The diet probably has some "ill health effects", but hey what diet doesn't? (I never really looked into those) If your consistent (like me), you will be down to a perfect size in "no-time".. There is enough in booze to keep you from looking "anorexic", but you won't get FAT. I promise...

Gary :)