Profile
Photos
Comments
Off and on for most of my life, I’ve had to deal with depression. My doc and I have come to the conclusion that I am genetically predisposed to this condition, and being aware of it and knowing how to head it off works for me most of the time. After 45 years on this planet, we’ve determined that lots of exercise, watching my diet and sleep patterns, along with a mild antidepressant does the trick for me. I hate taking the meds, but they really do make all the difference.
This past summer, a new emotion was entered into the mix—anxiety. I had no idea what kind of animal I was dealing with and the havoc it could create with my physical being. I was accustomed to depression’s manifestations—sleeping for long periods, eating, and just blocking out everyone around me. Anxiety took me down a completely different road—insomnia, acute awareness of everything around me to the point of the occasional anxiety attack, and simply not being able to eat. Writing is out of the question during periods of high-anxiety. I just can’t do it. At times I was so tense that I seemed to be aware of every muscle in my body, especially in my shoulders, arms, and neck.
My doc was there with the prescription pad, but I really don’t like to take meds. I filled the prescription and promised myself that I would use these meds only for backup when nothing else worked. In the meantime, I had to find something to do to relieve the anxiety. I was already working out at the gym, so I decided to search other avenues. I knitted and crocheted a few small projects. I cleaned out some closets. I took the dog on more walks. I avoided people who I knew would add to my anxiety.
I needed to do something that would enable me to see the results of my works. While cleaning out the kitchen cabinets, I came across my box of cake decorating supplies. Many years ago, when my girls were still small, I took a cake decorating class. I remembered enjoying the class and decorating cakes for First Communions and birthdays.
While I hadn’t decorated a cake in over 10 years, I just knew it had to be like riding a bicycle. It’s not like I’d quit baking altogether. In fact, I’ve always loved to bake. I’m always on the lookout for a good cookie recipe, and I’ve even developed a couple of my own. (Cookies really should be considered their own food group.) I make my own biscuits, pizza dough, and have been known to bake a mean loaf of bread. My stepdad loves my hummingbird cake. Anyway, I decided to bake a tiered cake for Becca’s birthday. It was a decorated disaster in every way imaginable.
The next week, I signed up for a class at Michael’s. I spent a month learning how to make icing the correct consistency for whatever task I needed to perform. I learned the function of each of the tips and practiced with borders and colors. I baked and decorated at least one cake a week for a month. The next month, I took a second class.
In the meantime, I continue to experiment, bake, and decorate. I’ve been filling requests from my children, their friends, and my co-workers. I’ve sent cupcakes to my oldest daughter’s art class and to UPS with my middle daughter for her 3rd shift co-workers. My co-workers prefer cookies, simply because they’re easier to handle with a cup of coffee. I’ve come across the best chocolate cake and icing recipe I ever imagined existed, and it’s being sent across town to an ailing friend. I think I’m becoming quite good at what I’m doing.
I don’t know exactly how decorating a cake or baking a cookie helps relieve anxiety, especially since I’m not able to eat when I’m so tense. Maybe it’s knowing that I’m making someone else happy. Or it could be that applying a basketweave design or piping a rose requires concentration and a steady hand. However, if it works, I’m not going to question it too intensely.
This activity isn’t necessarily a panacea. For the past two weeks, I’d had an off-and on headache—the nagging kind, right above and behind the ears. It was stress. Imagine that. I finally gave in, took a Xanax and two Extra-Strength Tylenol. A few hours later, I sat at Joe’s Crab Shack and was able to eat a fish sandwich. I came home baked and decorated a dozen cupcakes, boxed them up, and sent them out the door with my daughter as she headed out to work. And then, I slept soundly.
Today, I’m going out to Shelbyville Road. The cake supply store is holding some new icing colors for me—Electric Pink, Electric Green, and Super Black. My daughter has requested a cake decorated in these colors with basketweave and roses. I can do that.
Have a great weekend!
