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Water Battles
Water Battles
I vaguely remember sitting on the toilet this afternoon and feeling as if I had no questions to ask because I was fine with things. That’s one of the things about me, I tend to only question the “where”s and “how”s of my life when I’m not doing well with my life at the time, you see. But at that one brief moment in the solitude of the pisser, everything was fine.
And everything continued to be fine until this afternoon, late this afternoon.
The first leg of our outing consisted of driving mom to a psychic fair so she could see what the future held for her. I about shit when I realized that her chosen psychic was a chick that used to play the same gig circuit as I. Immediately I knew that mom was about to throw twenty five bucks down the drain because I knew that there wasn’t much psychic about this chick. Mom said she knew there wasn’t much psychic about this chick when she flipped the “destiny” card in her tarot deck and had to read what it meant from a book. I then, as I do now, believe that mom should have gone to the table in the front of the hotel conference room and requested another reading for free. But she didn’t. So she got nothing for her twenty five bucks except a few snorts through my nose. For real. I should have told her when I realized who the chick was to go and request another psychic, but I didn’t.
After that we went to my friend F’s grandmother’s house. The grandmother is not well and has been forced, due to medical problems, to move in with her granddaughter. We were asked to go to her house and bring a few things home. A few things were some dishes and cookbooks. And a couple of vases.
I think that maybe the trip to the grandmother’s house was a little more than I thought it would be because I slid downhill so quickly that I didn’t even realize I had done it. Assthew, formerly known as Da Man, pointed out to me that something had crawled into my ass. Mom was standing behind him with her head bobbing up and down like a damned chicken pecking corn as her form of agreement.
The afternoon was to be spent out in the yard. Fall is here and, before long, it will be time to get the yard ready for winter. I thought I would get a head start on it today. The sun was shining and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to allow the girls to run themselves down while I did some things in the yard.
It all went well for awhile. And then Mak decided that she wanted to be daddy’s little helper while he was working in one of the ponds. She stumbled backwards once, and I told Assthew to move her. He mumbled something about having his hands full. She stumbled backwards again and the rocks around the pond behind her caught her. I knew the next stumble would put her little butt right into the pond, so I asked him to take her by the arm and move her closer to him. Again, his hands were full. So I made a comment about her safety being more important than picking fish shit out of the filter.
Before this, he and I had a bit of a falling out because I accidentally sprayed him with water from the hose. In retaliation, he picked up a filthy pond filter and wailed it at my leg, leaving me with a stream of fish shit and algae running to my ankle. Totally uncalled for, I told him, because the water he was hit with had been fucking clean. Evidently neither of us had gotten over that one.
He told me that I needed to get off of my ass and get Mak because he was busy. I told him that she was right beside him, to grab her by the arm and move her. He said something laced with profanity. I saw his profanity and raised him one. He folded, but not before calling me a dumbass and spraying me straight in the face with the hose.
I said nothing to him, but I was so mad I started to cry. And not one of those “oh boo hoo” cries either, but a silent one fueled by pure fury. I was sitting next to mom at the time. I said to her, “I am going in the house now because I am going to fucking kill him.” Had I not looked up and seen Grace coming back into the yard with her pap, I think I would have hit him. But I couldn’t allow Grace to see me go there. She and Assthew are BFFs now *roll eyes here*, and I knew it would be devastating to her. Mak, on the other hand, would have joined in.
I came into the house and sat here at the computer. It wasn’t long before mom was in the kitchen running her mouth at me, thanking me for leaving her outside and telling the girls they couldn’t come in the house. Grace came into the living room and began with the mini grandma mouth. Finally I stood up and told them both to get the hell out of my face and leave me alone. “Never have I had to walk away from him, and I’m telling you right now that I’m about to fucking explode” seemed to get mom’s ass in gear and headed back out the door.
I still haven’t forgiven him. When the neighbor friend came over, Assthew came in and told me that she was in the yard. I told him I would be there in a minute. He made a comment about me still being a whine bag because of the water, to which I replied, “Something in that fucking idiot brain of yours told you that you crossed the line, and if it didn’t, you’re more fucked up in the head than any doctor has seen.” I still wasn’t pretty. He, of course, took the cowardly way out, walking outside while mumbling, evidently feeling as if I wouldn’t go there in front of the neighbor; he was wrong. I went right there in front of the neighbor and didn’t give a good damn. I had my say, he had his. And I ended it by asking neighbor if she was in need of an extra large ass at her house because I had one that needed a new home.
She didn’t need one, she said, because she had one of her own.
I think I am in need of some serious discussion as to what needs to change around here. And yes, I am a part of that change, but not in the way everyone is expecting. See, I have things that I want to do, things I am good at doing, and I plan on doing them to the best of my ability without the burden of guilt *hearing your gasps* and/or feeling as if I have abandoned the world. I’m done. Shit’s going to change.
And it was that sort of thought, that shit was changing, that must have made me feel as if I had no questions to ask a psychic. And I must admit that it’s quite freeing to, for once, acknowledge the fact that most of the shit I carry around isn’t my own shit anyway; it belongs to everyone else. And what happens in their lives is going to affect me, but it doesn’t have to control me, and it damned sure doesn’t have to fucking cripple me.
“The truth is in the quiet, and I’m learning to be still.”
posted on Oct 5, 2008 9:20 PM ()
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Love ya, Hon. 
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