So it's the New Year. Resolutions? I don't really make them. I don't really need a reason to feel like I haven't done something well enough, and that's exactly what happens when I break (fail) my resolutions.
I do make promises. *smile* Don't ask what the exact difference is, because I don't know. But I promise to be more grateful. I promise to be more loving. I promise to be more understanding. I promise to let go and let God.
Guess I'm kind of being sneaky because I have been trying to be those things before the stroke of midnight. *Snort*

I celebrated at home with my girls and my mom. Went outside at midnight and did the redneck thing of banging pots and pans together while screaming, "Happy New Year!!!" It was quite empty. The pots didn't seem to bounce off the house like they have in celebrations past.
The new neighbors weren't home, unlike the old neighbors who came outside and banged simultaneously with us in years past.
So the noise grew and then...died. It was stifled and fell a bit short.
T.O.Daughter wouldn't do it. I don't know why. She walked outside and then went back in. T.Y.D did it after watching me and giggling.
But there wasn't much fizzle.

I have written to my distance sista and explained this to her already. My holiday has been empty.
Christmas was lovely and quite wonderful because of the angels we were blessed with. We even traveled to one of the houses and spent Christmas evening with her family. I have never left my house on Christmas before, and it was very nice to be amidst a crowd and being with people.
The days between the two holidays were pretty mundane. TYD would get up in the mornings and ask, "What special day is it today, mama?" *smile* She is very used to holidays and will be greatly disappointed when she realizes that life is about to go back to normal.

I was speaking to a wonderful person on the phone the other night. It was the night after Christmas. He was telling me that he had been cussed out twice in one day. After listening to his stories, I told him that I had commented several times throughout the day about the same thing. It's like people in general have the tendency to pack all their love and caring into the anticipation of Christmas. Once Dec. 26 arrives, it's gone. And this year it seems to have happened all at once with none leftover.
Sad.

I sat and talked to my best bud in the world last night after putting the girls to bed. And then I sat in the quiet for a minute or two and stared at my tree. I was stuck with the realization that my holiday was empty. I can't quite explain it, but there was just something missing.
And, sad enough to me, that something was a someone. And no, not a particular someone, just a someone.
I suppose that most people would assume it to be Ass since he was the last someone in my life. But I didn't think of him. I was just thinking that there was no one in my life really for me to share things like the holidays with, aside from my mom, and that was sad.
I didn't even get around to watching "A Christmas Story" this year. That was monumental to me. But my tv wasn't turned on for almost two days. I didn't spend Christmas Eve watching "It's a Wonderful Life," which has been a tradition of mine for years. I didn't do much in ways of holidays past.

I was missing a someone. A close friend, a confidant, whomever. It just would have been a bit nicer for me to have someone in my life to share the big people stuff with.
So maybe I should resolve to make friends?
*thinking*
Nah.
Not today.
Well, I do wish everyone a very prosperous and blessed New Year.
Hugs.