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Purposeful Growth
Purposeful Growth
I truly believe that one of my purposes in life is to be a mother. Sounds funny coming from me. And I cannot for the life of me figure out why I have only recently come to this great conclusion.
It’s been busy here, very busy. The biggest news is that I asked, I believed, and I received. And no, I’m not referring to the package of BBQ sauce and rub that I received from the Marlboro contest the other day either; I am talking about a vacation. Yep. You read that right. Me and mine got the heck out of dodge for 36 hours and, after the bumpy start, it was wonderful.
We headed north into Pennsylvania to hit a small amusement park. I went to the same park a few times as a child and can still remember it very vividly. And now I can say that my daughters have shared something that was a part of my childhood: the amusement park and the story book village. I cannot put into words how it affected me, especially the trip to the story book village. I know we weren’t alone either because I felt them there at one point, as I was standing with camera poised to get a pic of Grace and Little Red Riding Hood together. I was overcome with emotion and my mouth filled with that taste that I always get when the angels are there, the guardians and loved ones. And I think that, for the first time in this four year and four month journey into motherhood, I truly felt what the circle of life was all about.
Maybe it was the way Grace looked at me as we were soaring above the park on the roller coaster, both scrambling to hold onto each other and the bar and laughing so hard that it was almost near impossible. Or maybe it was the way her face lit up with sheer exhilaration as she went bouncing back and forth in the roller coaster car. Or maybe it was the way Mak began head banging to the music as she cruised around in a circle on the mini-motorcycles. Or the way she kept touching the pony as it obediently took her in circles through the rain and the mud. Or it could have been the way I watched her imitate the things she had seen her sister do as she had cruised around in circles, yelling, “Hi, mama,” with each pass, hand stretched out in a wave.
Whatever it was, I grew this week, by leaps and bounds. There is a different sort of camaraderie between me and Grace now. We’re buddies. She has found a new kind of trust in me, and I have found a new sort of wonder and beauty in her and Mak.
And yes, part of my sentimentality could have been from the simple fact that there were no Twinkies with Christmas lights glowing in the neighboring yard at obnoxious hours of the night. Or cantankerous old neighbors calling and requesting three or four trips to the store in a day’s time. Or the fact that I wasn’t aware that the minister from Grace’s last Bible school was calling the house and leaving messages for me to call him because he wants to visit with me here and talk about any questions or concerns of my heart, while I, knowing full well that his wife had repeated our conversation about homosexuality and lack of belief in certain things and people being condemned to Hell, was dodging rain drops and flying through the air on metal bars.
It was nice. And it was truly a gift from The Universe because I did ask, believe, and receive without question or doubt. It was a taste of what could be and what is. It was also a wonderful way to step outside of my life for awhile before getting back to the grind.
I realize that I have so many things to be thankful for that I may not have fully realized a week ago. And I also realize that it’s no wonder my entire body is aching because in three days time I:
*Rode a giant slide while sitting on a burlap sack.
*Threw a ball at the same time as Grace which landed in the bowl, and I allowed her to believe that she was the one who won the goldfish and not me. *wink*
*Rode carnival rides for the first time in at least ten years because of being witness to a ride, The Scrambler, to be exact, breaking while in motion.
*Rode roller coasters. Not just one, but two.
*Walked for two days through an amusement park.
*Had a stamp put on my hand by Little Red Riding Hood that read, “And They Lived Happily Ever After.”
*And I did not kill anyone, familiar or stranger, while doing any of the above--even while on my period.
posted on Aug 2, 2008 9:15 PM ()
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This is my dream for you and your beautiful family.
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