I'm a big mouth. And I don't really fear the things I should. Maybe it's because I have always been a big girl and always a tough ass, I don't know. But you would think some things would get better with age.
We're driving down a busy road tonight. I get stopped in a line of traffic at a red light. There's a bank with an ATM to my right, another lane of traffic separating it from the van.
Out of fucking nowhere this asshole begins to pull his SUV across the lane beside me and sandwiches it right between me and the guy in front of me, going the opposite way. THEN he has the nerve to ask me if it's clear for him to go. I sat there. Again he asked if it was clear to go. And again, I sat there.
Bear in mind that he is so close to me that I could have spit on him, seriously. And his truck is so close to the front of mom's van that you can't tell where one vehicle ends and the other one begins. After his failed attempts at having me give him the go ahead he begins creeping out, turning his wheel so he can see around the SUV in front of me. When he is almost within reaching distance of me, I look at him and say, "I have my babies in here, and I would appreciate it if you would think about that the next time you pull an assanine trick like this."
"What," he says, white pretty boy skin shining beneath his ghetto hat, "I'm going slow."
"And you're also driving like an ass," I reply.
He holds up a stack of papers and says, "Look, I'm going slow enough to read this."
"Stop and think the next time about who your driving is going to affect because both of my babies are in this van." And I was going to leave it right there. I began to veer the van into the empty lane next to me so I could get by him and through the light. He screams something at me, I believe I was told to kiss his ass, so I, before even thinking, screamed, "You fucking FIFO (Fucking Idiot From Ohio--no offense to any of you, of course)!" The next thing I heard was brakes squealing, horns blowing and some other male driver screaming, "What the hell?" And I drove off.
Da Man said that was great and to expect the cops to be here because a complaint was filed. Whatever. Bring it on.