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Bio Dad (Not a Superhero)
Bio Dad (Not a Superhero)
Again there’s no school today because of the snow that came to visit last night. Yay. And, of course, Grace can’t seem to sleep in during snow days. Oh no, she’s up at the regular time. Bear in mind that I have had to fight with her every single morning this week to get her up for school. Go figure.
Mak is feeling much better; she was sick Tuesday morning. The doc wanted to see her because she was running a fever. He decided that it was viral because he couldn’t find anything else wrong. Told me that it was very contagious so I needed to make sure my hands were washed. Yeah, it was a little too late for the whole hand washing thing because I had been given a bath in her vomit that morning. And I’m thinking things like that are the reason I had never really planned to have children….
This is the most interesting bit of news I have:
Grace’s real dad has suddenly reentered our lives via the wonders of computers. It was pretty uncomfortable for me at first. I had recently been walked out on by Baby Daddy #2, you know, and didn’t know if I was all that ready for Baby Daddy #1 to come back in after a near six year absence.
But here’s the thing: Grace told all the kids at bunko the other night that she had two dads that left her and she would never know why. My heart ached for her. Five years old and such a tale to tell.
So when he started asking questions about her as a person, I answered. It’s so hard for me to really explain what she’s like to someone. I mean, I have rarely been away from her--ever--, and I just know her. I know when it’s about time for her to get hungry, and usually I know what she’s going to want to eat. I know that something’s stirring in her body and sickness is approaching because she starts talking in her sleep. I know what she likes best in the world, and I know those things that will set her off on an I missed the terrible twos but I’m making up for it with the horrific fives fit. I just know her.
The conversation switched to a web cam visit. That was even more uncomfortable for me because I have never been a web cam person. But I talked to Grace about it all, explaining that he wanted to get to know her and to ask how she felt about that. She was all for it, really. I think the timing of Assew walking out and her bio dad walking in meant something to her.
Yesterday I went and bought a $7 microphone, and when she came home from school, she had an hour long conversation with him, her bio dad. At first things were pretty awkward. She kept mouthing to me that she didn’t know what to say, but she quickly got in the swing of things. She went and brought her keyboard to the computer and played “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” Then she carried all of her favorite toys to the computer and showed them to him. She seemed to enjoy his company.
When the conversation ended, I asked her what she thought about it. She told me that he didn’t look like she thought he would. Then she started telling me that she had seen a man at a restaurant one day, driving a red car, and she really thought that bio dad had looked like him. I felt badly then because I had never really given it a thought that she would ever wonder what he looked like. And to think that she had an image in her head….She has seen pictures of him (and he looks the same actually), but it bothered me that he was just never spoken of, making her dream up an image of him in that brain of hers. And I wonder why she never mentioned that to me because I would have talked to her about it. *Sigh*
Anyway, she thinks that she would like to have a set day of the week to talk to him on the computer now. I guess that would be alright, eh. Right? I mean, it will be okay. Gawd.
Speaking of closing circles…how weird is the timing that Assew vacates and then Bio Dad comes peeking in the windows. I don’t believe in coincidence; I believe that everything happens for a reason. I just hope her heart doesn’t get broken again because of yet another poor choice I made by trusting a man.
posted on Feb 25, 2010 10:47 AM ()
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