It's real hard to write as the cat is in the corner working on hacking up a fur ball...or something. *frown* And speaking of cats, what better way to start my weekend list of Bad Mommy Indictments!
*It's going on midnight and the whore isn't home yet. The cat has been itching to get outside. I'm thinking it's because she wants a piece of ass, but whatever. She will sneak out the door with you before you even realize she is there. So this afternoon she made it.
Now before you lecture me about not having her spayed, she isn't supposed to be an outdoor cat and I had her brother neutered. (Seeing as how I'm from West Virginia, I figured that I would single- handedly put an end to the inbreeder jokes)
So the cat isn't home yet. And it's going on midnight. Have I mentioned that already? And I hope that the cat makes it home before Grace notices she's gone. I can hear the gavel in Bad Mommy Court echoing in my head.
*I allowed the oldest daughter to sit in the yard this afternoon and paint. At first it started out with a blade of grass and an old hens and chickens planter. The dog was out in the yard with her, and I made sure that I could see her from the window, so it wasn't the fact that I left her out there that bothers me. No, in fact, I was quite pleased that she had gotten over her lack of attention span that had haunted me all day and actually involved herself with something.
So I'm in the kitchen mashing the potatoes when I look outside and see water dripping from her shirt sleeve. What the...And then I see her take the blade of grass and wipe it across the empty planter. I was puzzled, mixer humming in hand, as I watched her, wondering where in the hell the water was from.
And, as if the little snipe read my mind, she suddenly dipped her hand into the nasty old fish pond and wet the blade of grass so she could make mud streaks ...Oh, pardon me..."paint..." on the planter. Nice, eh. Yeah.
*I allowed the youngest daughter to take a cruise with Pap on his electric scooter. I didn't realize they were going to go four blocks away from home to visit the chicks working the coffee shop. Ha. And I didn't think anything of it until Da Man started asking questions. Then, of course, I was filled with panic that they had been squished by some smart assed teenager out speeding in his mama's car because The Little One had commandeered the steering stick...where the hell is that cat anyway?...
*I wouldn't read "Clifford Visits The Hospital" one more time. Nope. I refused. But not before I had read it once and then had it read to me by The Oldest Daughter "and I can read it any way I want, mama," which means that she doesn't know how to read and is going on her brilliant memorization skills. And I refused to read it one more time because, since The Oldest Daughter checked the book out of the library on Tuesday, it has been read at least one hundred times. And I'm over it. I kind of secretly wish now that the thermometer dear old Clifford puts in his mouth was full of some kind of medicine so the book would just end. I wonder if there's a market for people writing books about killing off kids' favorite characters because I'm telling you, Max, the three-year-old rabbit who only speaks in one or two syllable sentences and Dora--yes, because this is friggin' America and she should be speaking in fucking English-- would be the first to go.
*I just wrote about marketing the killing off of kids' favorite characters. That should probably go at the top of my Bad Mommy Indictments list, eh.
*I also refused to sit and make costumes for The Oldest Daughter's paper Princess dolls tonight. Flatly refused. Thinking I should pay a wee bit more attention to the ages listed on these damn things from now on. Somehow thinking about helping a 4 yr old wield a needle frightened me. And I wasn't in the mood to have an eye put out or a finger deemed retarded. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
*I didn't allow The Oldest Daughter to sleep on her new Disney Princess couch tonight. Nope. I made her sleep in her bed. I was afraid the cat would bother her. Okay, we all know I'm lying because the damned cat is MIA, but she doesn't know the cat is missing, okay?
And as I write this, it dawns on me that I haven't had any offenses in regards to the youngest daughter today. Wow. What's up with that? Could it be because she really doesn't want anything except constant attention from someone, even the cat...really starting to think I'm totally fucked on the whole cat deal...and a bottle here and there. And food. That child loves to eat. And I've provided that for her today. I actually pretty much provided it before she asked for it, which has me patting myself on the back. Whoo Hoo! I outsmarted an one-year-old! *high fives*
Yeah, it's been a long day.