Other questions from the "Ask Pat" never published advice column for nurses.

Question: "I saw a man and a woman with five raucous little boys in tow moving into the rental house next door and went over and informed the woman I was a night nurse and day sleeper and expected peace and quiet at least half the day. She coldly informed me the man helping her move in was her brother, and the kids his-she would be living there alone. I apologized but she has been very disdainful ever since. I'd like to make things right as she has proven to be a wonderful neighbor.What else can I do?"

Answer: You were very abrupt and presumptious in your first contact. (If you're a day sleeper you surely have heard of using ear plugs and white noise to block outside racket.)Buy the woman a houseplant and send a note of apology with it, or invite her over for lunch and explain you were sleep deprived and unwittingly harsh. After sincere attempts at apology, she may become friendly--if not, let it go.

Question: " I'm a nurse who has worked 10 years in a doctor's office and considered us to be professional colleagues and friends. The doctor attended my father's funeral. I have baby sat his kids when he and his wife were on vacation. I get invited every year to their home for Christmas parties. Last week the doctor asked me if I could come to his house where they were having a dinner party and make my signature dish, a moussaka he loves. I assumed I was invited to the dinner party too, but it turned out I was expected to stay in the kitchen and not sit at the table with the hoi polloi. The whole idea of being friends was destroyed. I am very hurt. Am I over-reacting?"

Answer: It's obvious on some level the doctor considers your relationship to be just a professional one of employer/employee and he did not take the friendship part as seriously as you did. Not making it clear that you were not to be a guest at the dinner party, but only there to cook was rude and thoughtless, but it's better to clear the air if you can. You can jokingly say you got all dressed up for nothing--maybe he'll get the hint. But I wouldn't count on it, and I wouldn't make him any more moussaka.


susil