"The Democrats are the party that says gov't will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says gov't doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it." P.J. O'ROURKE

"The Republicans are the party of bad ideas. The Democrats are the party of no ideas." LEWIS BLACK

"The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too." OSCAR LEVANT

"What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, and a Republican sucks." LEWIS BLACK again.

"When you looked at the Republicans you saw the scum off the top of business. When you looked at the Democrats you saw the scum off the top of politics. Personally, I prefer business. A businessman will steal from you directly instead of getting the IRS to do it for him. And when the Republicans ruin the environment, destroy the supply of affordable housing, and wreck the industrial infrastructure, at least they make a buck off it. The Democrats just do these things for fun." P.J. O'ROURKE again

"The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club. DAVE BARRY

"They say Democrats don't stand for anything. That's patently untrue. We do stand for anything." BARACK OBAMA