Reading over one of Martin's blogs from this weekend, I realized that there is a certain amount of dichotomy to my personality. It is probably pretty much the same for most of you. There is an inner self in which we examine our doubts and insecurities. We don't often let people see that part of our lives both because we are ashamed of it and also because those feelings are often exaggerated from the way we really are.

I know on the outside I have a pretty positive image. I am pretty good at my job. I work hard, and I like people. I do a lot to try and give back to the professional community as well as to the town that I have come to feel truly at home in. I am in a happy and healthy relationship that has its little ups and downs, but one that I would never really want to give up.

There really is not too much in that description that would make people say that I have a lot to worry about or have much self-doubt. Like most people, though, I do.

Martin often says that I worry too much and that I should be more confident. Thinking about that in relation to his short attempt at being a "drama queen," as he called it, I realized that he is right. The funny thing is that most people think that I am one of the most positive people around.

I think the difference is that when I started blogging it was sort of as a way to vent my feelings and let it all out. Even though it has evolved into my participation in such a wonderful e-community, it still serves that purpose. As a result, you guys get to see me whine and complain a lot more than I actually do in real life. I think some of that is because I CAN have those feelings of doubt and worry and know that I will get so much positive feedback from the great epals I have made on here.

So, I should really thank all of you for listening to me whine! I just wanted you (and Martin in particular) to realize that I am not nearly as doubtful and worrisome as I probably come across on here.