It has already been a very long day.

And it’s not over, yet.

I started a blog post yesterday afternoon after a very disappointing home visit from Julian’s physiotherapist and an even further disappointing phone conference with his behavioural consultant, but it was “too far gone” as they say and I scrapped it.

My head is swimming as I write this…a combination of fatigue and desperation threatening to take over so rather than go on and on, as is my usual style (ha), I think, instead, I’ll go old school, point form, janetk style…

Random thought number one…

I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep. Well, that’s not entirely true since I do remember sleeping during my last kid-free, Nicolas Cage and bad art weekend. What I mean is that I can’t remember when Julian’s latest bout of bad sleep disturbances started. I have been searching for the reason…reasons?…for well over a week now but have not been able to solve the riddle. And let’s face it…it could be ANYTHING.

Random thought number two…

I drove home in the fog yesterday evening (Troy was here to see the kids and made like a leaf and fucked off), listening to Michael Jackson’s, “This Is It” and thinking about how last Halloween, the kids were with their Dad and I went to see the movie, “This Is It” for the first time. I loved Michael. Really, really loved Michael. I even met him once… well, sort of. And there was something about the combination of the mild weather we’re having and the fog of last night and Michael’s song that made me want to cry.

Random thought number three…

I really need to stop eating the mini chocolate bars I bought for Halloween. Really need to. For obvious reasons. Want to know the really sad thing about those chocolate bars? I don’t even get trick or treaters out here in the boonies.

Random thought number four…

Randy solitaire’s letter to his father really got to me.

Random thought number five…

Julian has been having a terrible day. Terrible. All behaviour is communication but like his most recent bout with insomnia, I’ll be damned if I know what he is trying to communicate to me. My life is reduced down to trying, in vain, not to upset the apple cart…which means standing at the kitchen counter, trying to decide which plate to serve his cheese and mustard on, Thomas or Diego, because if I choose the wrong one, he’s going to freak out but if I ask him outright, he’s likely to freak out since he has currently “lost his words”.

Random thought number six…

I need to buy some Pediasure (aka “Teddy Bear Drinks”) because Julian has stopped eating anything but cheese or mustard and when that happens, I know that a bout of completely not eating is just around the corner. I feel like a terrible mother for not being able to find room in the budget for the expensive little cans, especially with snowsuit and winter boot season upon us.

Random thought number seven…

In keeping with the Julian thread…I finally found Barney’s Halloween Party on DVD, thanks to my middle daughter, Erica. I have been playing it over and over again for Julian in the hopes that he will have a better concept of what Halloween is and what will happen, etc. Barney is good for teaching all children, but especially those with development delays or special needs. There is something about that guy…it is the only TV that a developmental worker will actually recommend. So far, Julian will only talk about one of the kids who was wearing a hat that covered his face. It’s okay to laugh. I still have four or five days to get the concept into him.

Random thought number eight…

I made Troy cry last night. And I didn’t even hit him!

Random thought number nine…

I vow to start my Christmas shopping early this year. I vow to get started on it at the beginning of November. Well, middle of the November at the latest! My plan is to start picking up little things here and there and setting them aside so that when December rolls around and it starts to get crunchy (keep in mind that Canadian Thanksgiving is in October so we don’t have anything but Christmas from Halloween on) I won’t be panicked. I figure this will also help me afford Christmas. On the bright side, I have a very, very short Christmas list this year. I really only have to buy things for my children and a few other people here and there.

Random thought number ten…

My daughter has a lot of homework to do tonight. That means I have a lot of homework to help her with. My daughter has some special needs of her own. I’m not sure why I don’t blog about them. Homework time is very frustrating for her and me, too. I’m open to suggestions as to how to make it easier for her to concentrate without actually having to lock Julian in a room.

BONUS random thought number eleven…

Have you ever watched the show, “Big Bang Theory”? I hate it. I would like someone to explain to me why so many people think it’s funny.

I will end this post with a quote from Ani Difranco, which is just as random as these thoughts…

“I will maintain the truth I knew naturally as a child. I won’t forfeit my creativity for a world that’s all laid out for me. I’ll look at everything around me and I will vow to bear in mind, that all of this was just someone’s idea. It could just as well be mine.”