Its a long story about shoes.
I love shoes, but unlike many other women I only have a few shoes. Yes thats right only a few. I have my sneakers, my boots for winter and sandals for summer and a pair of dress shoes. And that is my collection of shoes. And all the guys are going "WHAAT" She only has 4 pairs of shoes!". I told you I am not exactly like all women. I am more of a tomboy, some days. Exciting.

Let me tell you a story involving shoes.
I went to Wall-mart (Obviously high quality right there). And decided "hey Lets go look at shoes" My brother who was tagging along agreed. I walked down the aisles and my heart stopped. I heard music and saw a bright light shinning upon the most beautiful shoes. (Or I thought I heard music due to all the caffeine I am Jacked up on. The bright light could of been florescent lights blinding me)
They were a gorgeous red Heels that screamed SEXY. I picked them up and held them in my Hand and thought "Lord Tundering Murphy, If I threw these things they could be weapons" And I was right these things had a little sticker on the bottom that said "In case of emergency throw like a ninja shurikens (star) And Flee".
Now I am practical woman, and usually do not bother with heels. But for once I wanted to be sexy. These shiny red tall heeled shoes were luring me to try them on. Shoes speak to us women. Its a crazy ability we have.
So I Kick off my Sad Pumas and fling my socks off. I could hardly contain my excitement. And the moment of my sexy shoes fitting ..... never came.
I struggled. I grunted. And I got frustrated.
It was a workout and by the time the wall-mart lady come by I was red in the face, sweating bullets and thinking I pulled some sort of muscle.
She walks up to me and ask "Need any help?" Meanwhile My brother is dying from laughter. My ego was starting to be bruised.
I was about ready to fly off the handle, but no I grunted some reply and she left me alone. I wouldn't let my ego get hurt any further. The shoes were not going to get the best of me.
My dear readers I did not grab any normal shoe. Oh no. That would be too easy. I grabbed Peep Toe Shoes. Peep toe, open toe, toe cleavage. WTF is toe cleavage? Is breast cleavage not enough?
Whatever the hell they are, they are pure evil ! WHO ON EARTH THINKS TO CUT OPEN THE PART OF THE TOE? Apparently I have huge toes. My Toes would not fit. They looked deformed red, smushed, angry and Ugly.
Did I stop trying to put the shoes on. Oh no. I Have too Much pride. I Jam the shoes on. And I strut Down that Wall-Mart Aisle.
Except It wasnt A strut, more of drunken walk, gimpy left leaning walk. It was like watching Bambi All over again. You see I never wear heels, and anything that is taller than sneakers is pretty heavy duty stuff.
My brother was in tears from laughing so hard. I am Glad I a made his day complete.
I took off the peep hell shoes. Jam them back in the box for I No longer heard music or see light.
My Pride Beyond repair, I pull my socks on. Slide my feet into scruffy, muddy, beaten up, stinky ol Pumas. Head hung low I walked away defeated, sexy I shall not be.