Again Language Shall be used here that may offend some people, Rated ... Mature.

So you been in a mall, theater, any public place really. And then it hits you. You are thirsty. What do you do? You go against good judgment and load up on pop, water, or juice. Not only that but AFTER you finish your drink you haul out the saltest chips possible. In fact I do believe there is a chip brand called "Mother Fucking Saltness !" Made 90% of salt.

As you lick each finger clean
*Side note, no matter how delicate you are... people always lick their fingers after having chips. You could be the president and you still lick your fingers after eating chips. Dont believe me... Pffft grab a bag of chips my friend and see if you cant resit licking your fingers ....
As you lick each finger clean your bladder starts to swell up and realize perhaps drinking all those fluids was not a good idea.

Now normal people would stop and go to the washroom. But What do you do? YOU DRINK more fluids, because all the salty goodness of chips made you thirsty.

Mere minutes go by and soon you find yourself having panic attacks. You walk as if someone shot you. And you begin to get very twitchy and move more than is necessary or deemed normal.

This is when you realize " I am friggin flying idoit... who is going to piss in my pants"

This is code yellow..... time to move like never before.

You find the nearest public washroom, good job. Now once you enter... there is old ladies everywhere, and little banshee screeching kids and not so impressed mothers holding ten different items.

You being the kind soul you are let the old gal go in first. And now the awkward waiting begins. Do you speak to your bathroom waiting friend? What do you say if you do speak to them? Something like " Man Do I ever got to piss, how about you?"

There is nothing to pass the time my friend. You stand there thinking about how big your bladder is. Random thoughts go through your head "Is it possible to die from not peeing?" "What if I just stood here and pee in my pants will anybody notice?" "what is taking those people so long in the stalls!!!" "Why is that bratty kid staring at me"

Finally the little old gal is done and returns your favor and lets you in. (Or perhaps it was your strained face, and jumping, twitchy I am going to die if I don't pee right now dance that made her let you go in).

You get in and there is toilet paper everywhere. Not dry toilet paper either.... soaking soggy wet toilet paper. It looks like someone had a confetti bomb go off. Theres unidentifiable wrappers strewn about. And make matters worse there is a tampon on the floor. Peeing in your pants look like a good option right about now.

You finally settle in.... And its dead quiet. People are waiting. You can hear your breathing and your heart beat.
You close your eyes and try to relax. But all you can think about is the bratty little kid staring at you. And about the fact that everyone one will hear you pee.

You whisper some mantra to yourself as if this was a war scene. "I Can do this, relax" Deep breathes. These people have you all freaked out. Your tempted to mediate in the bathroom stall in order to pee. But Alas, nature overrides social cues.

You pee.

And you think its over and done with. Oh no.

Through the silence, all you hear is your stream of pee.
This goes on forever. You begin to worry..... people that are waiting were already in the stall and done and your still there peeing.

You consider timing yourself, perhaps you can beat a world record.

You been there so long that you are getting bored. Perhaps you should of brought a novel along to read.

Somehow you finish, and arise to only have the toilet instantly flush and spew and make angry noises. You nearly shit your pants from the scare. And now the back of your arse is wet because you didn't move fast enough to put your pants back on.

You sigh, look for more toilet paper to dry your bum, but the last of the toilet paper was used by you and whoever thought that they could build a arc out of toilet paper for the flood of the century on the floor.

As you stand there, pants down to your shoes and underwear, sadly down with your pants, and with your wet arse hanging out and you with a sad look upon your face. Now what do you do? Air your bum till it dries? Dare to dry your tush by the air hand dryers? Scrounge in your purse for Kleenex or anything? Maybe wiggling your bum will dry it ?

Thank the gods themselves you have some Kleenex and it is new. Your a regular day McGuyver.

You strut out of that stall. And frig around the taps to only be blasted by insanely cold water. Now your shirt is covered in water, and so is your pants. The water comes out at velocity and strength that would rip your skin off. This isn't any tap its like a water pressure gun. You get soap on your hands and that is blasted off by the insane tap from hell.

Fine, whatever you dont need that stupid tap anyway. You go dry your hands by the air dryer. But no matter how long you stay underneath that thing your hands wont dry.

You leave the public bathroom with your soaked front shirt and pants, toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoes which you will have to pick off later, and red still wet hands that are ice blocks and you walk confidently out into the public world.

A little banshee warrior child takes one look at you and says to his mother " Mom that lady peed herself!"