While 84-year-old Hugh Hefner is getting engaged to a 23-year-old Playboy Playmate, I’m sitting here in Coventry, CT, living my life in relative obscurity and pretty much enjoying almost every moment of it. (23 years old and marrying somebody who’s old enough to be her great-grandfather! (What’s the matter, Hugh? Can’t find anybody your own age to play with???) Amazing, huh? Back in the day, we used to call girls like that “Gold-Diggers…among other things. Yup. I believe she’s playing the oldest game show that there is – “Screwing For Dollars.” I think Wink Martindale is the host.)

I don’t know about you, but I’m investing in Viagra stock the first chance I get.  Something tells me it’s about to go through the roof because the Playboy Mansion in Chicago is going to ordering the stuff by the truckload.

***

My Christmas was wonderful.  For Christmas breakfast, I woke up early and cooked My Honey scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese (and freshly crumbled cayenne pepper for me), fresh-cut bacon, breakfast sausage, home fries with garlic and onions, English muffins and loose-leaf peppermint tea.

Around four o’clock, we went over to my son Scott’s, his fiancee’s  and their daughter’s house and met up with my daughter, her fiancée and her two children. My son Rich and his wife Mel also came over. We were there for a prime rib dinner. There were eleven of us there: three of my kids, their spouses, my three grandchildren, Mary Ellen and myself.

I took in the entire scene in Scott’s living room while everybody was opening presents, and I saw smiles and heard laughter and felt love everywhere. I was filled with such an incredibly warm, rich feeling from knowing that I am the patriarch of this large, loving and truly happy family! That feeling was my best Christmas gift.

I doubt if Mr. Hefner had a better Christmas than I did.

***

I debated about actually publishing this next section because I didn’t want to hurt any of my family’s feelings.  Then I realized that none of them ever READ this damnedblog. So here goes.

My favorite Christmas presents this year were:

1.       Socks made out alpaca wool.  (Due to my heart medication, my feet are ALWAYS cold.) This wool is great. Soft and very “cushiony”. Not itchy in the least.

2.       A tee shirts that says, “Inside every older person is a younger person who’s wondering what the hell happened!”

3.       The newly published auto-biography of Mark Twain. (Twain died in 1910, and he requested that this autobiography not be published until 100 years after his death so as not to anger any of his contemporaries.)

4.       A tee shirt with a picture of John Wayne on it that says, “Old Guys Rule.”

***

How about this? According to all of the major news organizations, I just survived the Blizzard of 2010! They call it a hurricane with snow, because of the extremely high winds that were sustained for over a twenty-four hour period of time.

Well, you know what? Living through a classic New England, Nor’easter Blizzard can be really fun and exciting, and it can give you a real sense of self-confidence!

The storm moved in late Sunday morning.  It was snowing by 1 p.m. By 3 p.m., there was 2-3 inches of snow on the ground.

But the snow wasn’t the remarkable aspect of this storm.  It was the wind. We had gusts up to 69 miles per hour, and it blew strong for over twenty-four hours.

It sounded like 747’s were landing and taking off in pastures all night long. When the sun came up, I marveled at how the trees lining the pastures could bend over so far and not snap.

I live on top of a tall hill, and, because of the pastures, the wind really gets whipping up here sometimes. 

When I got up Monday morning, my back yard had about a half inch of snow on it, even though it snowed all night long. The wind had blown it all off of the grass and deposited it in a five-foot drift . . . right in the middle of my driveway.(I swear that God hates me.)

The wind howled all day yesterday, and the wind chill was way below zero, but Mary, Fritz, Dixie and I were all warm,snug  and happy in the house, thanks to a wood-burning stove and all the wood that I cut and split by hand over the summer. (That’s a REALLY GOOD feeling!)

Today, Tuesday, the sun is out, the winds have subsided, all of us are doing well, and life is absolutely magnificent!

I’m just glad that I didn’t have anywhere to go during the blizzard. The TV is filled with horror stories of people camping out in airports and train stations. That would be miserable.  One person interviewed at Bradley International Airport said that he had been stranded there for over forty-eight hours! (He had two big complaints: they never turned the lights off so that people could sleep, and the Christmas music played constantly.)

***

Anybody else sick of Burl Ives singing A Holly, Jolly Christmas?